July 5, 2010

“Edward, Edward! Did you hear that?”

I felt something cold push on my bare chest and immediately flinched away from it.

“Edward, wake the fuck up!”

This time it was a slap, and I jumped out of bed as the sound reverberated around my room.

It was still dark, and as my eyes adjusted I looked over to my bedside clock to look at the time; four in the morning.

“Alice, what the fuck are you doing? Can’t you see what time it is?” I yelled.

She rushed towards me and placed a hand over my mouth, effectively silencing me.

“Be quiet and watch your language!” she scolded, as she nodded toward my five year old son Anthony, who was cuddled up at the end of my bed.

I had unexpectedly had to cover the late shift at the hospital tonight and had asked my sister Alice would she mind baby sitting Anthony for me, as it was too short notice to arrange for a sitter. Luckily she agreed, and as I had arrived home later than planed, Alice had just stayed the night in the spare room.

“Why are we whispering?” I asked, though it was muffled as Alice’s hand was still firmly clamped over my mouth.

Alice opened her mouth to answer but was silenced as a bright beam of light shone past my bedroom window.

Anthony gasped and huddled closer to the stuffed rabbit he was clutching in his arms.

“Did you see that?” he asked.

I was about to nod in affirmation when I heard the smashing of glass downstairs.

My adrenaline kicked in as I pried Alice’s fingers away and made a run for my safe at the bottom of my closet.

“Alice, I want you and Anthony to stay here and call 911. I’m going downstairs to see what’s going on. Lock the door behind me,” I said, as I ejected the clip in my handgun to make sure it was loaded, before reloading it and switching the safety off.

“Edward, we should just wait for the police to arrive,” Alice said, as something else was smashed downstairs.

“Alice, it might be nothing… It could just be a rodent that came through the chimney. I’m just going to have a look. Now, make sure this door stays locked, do you understand?”

Alice nodded in response as she placed her cell phone to her ear.

“You stay here with Aunt Alice, little man, okay?”

Anthony, whose eyes were now wide with fear simply nodded as he latched on to Alice’s leg.

“Be careful,” Alice whispered as I reached for the door handle.

I winked at her and as I closed the door behind me and heard the door lock.

“Yes, I need the police please. I think someone is breaking in downstairs…”

I heard Alice’s voice fade as I slowly made my way down the stairs.

I could hear the crunching of glass, as though someone was walking over it with heavy feet, and I raised my gun to my chest.

Now, I was no police officer or Olympic shooter, but I had been shooting since I was a teenager, as my dad and I used to go to the firing range to practice for hunts during school holidays; so I was comfortable handling a gun and was a pretty damn good shot.

As I reached the bottom of the stairs I heard a muffled curse that sounded female – so I guess there were no rodents after all…

Peeking my head around the corner, I saw a dark figure bent over the drawers in the kitchen, and watched as one by one, the contents of the drawers was thrown onto the floor.

Bracing myself and the gun, I reached over and flipped the kitchen light on. The figure froze as I rounded the corner and aimed my gun at her chest.

“Who are you and what do you want?”

I saw the fear cross her features as she scanned the area, presumably searching for an exit.

I took a few steps closer and watched her in turn take the same amount of steps backwards, until she was flush with the refrigerator and I saw the panic in her eyes as she realized that she was boxed in.

Under the lights of the kitchen, I was able to get a better look at the intruder and was truly shocked at what I saw – she was so young…

Not that I was old by any means, as I was only twenty-five, but this girl couldn’t have been a day over eighteen, and to say that she was attractive would have been an understatement. Even with the dark shadows under her eyes, her messy brown hair that hung limply on her shoulders and her hollow cheeks, she was beautiful. She was incredibly thin, so thin in fact, that I could see her collarbones poking through her thin cotton t-shirt and her brown eyes appeared flat and lifeless, but I couldn’t deny the fact that I was attracted to her.

“The police are on their way, so it might look better if you tell me why you are here. Are you looking for drugs? Money?”

I watched her eyes widen in fear as her she squatted against the fridge and wrapped her arms around her tiny body as she began to shake uncontrollably. And even though she was the one who had broken in to my house, I suddenly I felt like a complete asshole.

I took a step closer but immediately stopped mid step as I watched her eyes hone in on the gun as she began to shake even more.

“I’m not going to hurt you,” I said, as I placed the gun on the counter next to me and placed my hands in the air. Call me stupid or naïve, but I didn’t want to scare her. And even if it were a ploy to get me to put the gun away, she looked so small and fragile huddled in my kitchen that I had no doubt I would be able to overpower her if the need arose.

Still with my palms up, I took a step forward and crouched to my knees, so that we were almost at eye level. The shaking didn’t cease, but it didn’t increase either, so I took it as a good sign.

“What’s your name?” I asked, hoping that we could get some form of communication going, but much to my disappointment, she just kept her eyes locked to the ground.

Clearly frustrated, I ran my fingers through my hair trying to think of something, anything to say, and figured that if maybe I offered something of myself, she would reply.

“My name’s Edward,” I said, and I couldn’t suppress the small smile as her head lifted and her doe like eyes connected with mine.

It was then that I noticed that there were crumbs on the sides of her mouth and on her chin and t-shirt and taking a quick inventory of the kitchen, the only things I could see was food wrappers.

Had she broken in simply because she was hungry…?

The girl was still watching me intently and I took the moment to really look at her. The long-sleeved tee she was wearing was full of holes and it didn’t appear as though she was wearing a bra. She was also wearing long pants that were covered in mud and her sneakers weren’t faring that much better.

Was this poor girl homeless?

I noticed that she was also giving me the once over and I flushed as I realized that I wasn’t wearing a shirt, only pajama bottoms.

“What’s your name?” I asked again, wanting to take the attention away from me and watched as an unfamiliar emotion passed over her face, was it shame?

I watched as she started to open her mouth, but no sound came. Her hand abruptly went to her throat as she made a slicing motion back and forth – was she trying to communicate?

I looked on as she continued to open her mouth as she shook her head and made the slicing action at her throat.

“You can’t speak?” I asked gently, and my heart broke again as she shook her head and her eyes welled with tears.

I have no idea where it came from, but I was suddenly overcome with the urge to protect this girl. I had no idea who she was or where she came from, but something deep within me needed to make her safe.

I stood slowly and walked over to one of the bar stools and removed one of my hoodies. She was still shaking violently and though I wasn’t sure if it was from the cool night air or the mention of the police before, it was the least I could do to be a gentleman, as I walked back to her and held it out in my hands.

“Please, take it, you look cold.”

I saw the doubt in her features, as though she were unused to kindness and felt a pang of sadness in my heart.

I nodded and told her it was ok before she hesitantly reached out and took the hoodie from my grasp, before quickly wrapping it around herself. For a split second our skin connected and my eyes widened as a small jolt of electricity flowed between us.

It was inappropriate and completely caveman like, but I couldn’t help but smile at the fact that she was wearing something of mine. To my shock, she gave me a small smile in return and my entire being lit up like a fucking Christmas tree at the sight.

“Edward, is everything alright?” I watched as the girl’s eyes widened and the shaking resumed and I internally cursed Alice.

“It’s okay; I promise that no one will hurt you. Stay here and I’ll be right back.”

I walked to the foot of the stairs and saw Alice’s head poking out of the bedroom door.

“The police will be here in less than two minutes, Edward. Are you hurt? What happened?

“I’m fine, Alice. Everything is fine. I’ll be up in a few minutes, there’s something we need to discuss.”

Alice nodded before disappearing behind the door and I heard the lock click back in to place.

Turning, I made my way back to the kitchen wondering what on earth to do with the girl.

My heart clenched uncomfortably at the thought of sending her away, but she couldn’t exactly stay here… Could she?

“That was just my sister, everything is…”

I stopped mid sentence as I stared at the empty spot in front of the refrigerator, where the girl had been huddled only minutes before.

Walking around the counter, I noticed that the gun was still there, as I made my over the broken glass to the back door and looked out into the night; she was gone.

Sighing, I walked back into the kitchen and saw that the hoodie I had lent her was placed on the breakfast bar, along with a scribbled note.

I’m so sorry, Edward; I never meant to cause any damage.

P.S. My name is Bella.

I ran my fingers through my hair in frustration, as I felt strangely empty now that I was no longer in her presence. It was odd, how I had only just met her, but had felt so protective of her.

I sighed as I read over her letter again and felt a small smile play on my lips.

Not that I wanted her money, but that was a good sign.

At least she would come back.

Bella would be back, hopefully sooner than later…

Marie was quiet as we washed the last of our dishes together. She then set to work cleaning up the rest of the mess left over from our earlier food fight. I had thought I’d gotten it all but she seemed able to find nooks and crannies that had been missed. I couldn’t believe how much I enjoyed just being with her, regardless of the activity we were engaged in.

But, after a while and as we were nearing the end, I had to ask if she knew Tanya was leaving us. I was surprised by how sad she looked. “I’m going to miss her too,” I told her, “but it’s not like she’s moving far away. I’m sure we’ll see her every day, at least at dinner time.” I had been teasing with the last and was surprised when her head shot up.

“W-, w-, we?” she whispered timidly as she leaned against the counter she had been wiping down, across the kitchen from me. She was still facing away from me and so I didn’t know what she was thinking or feeling.

I walked over to her and put my hands on her shoulders to turn her around, and had to jump back as she startled and spun in front of me, almost toppling over from the swiftness of her movement. “Whoa,” I called, laughing lightly as my hands went to her waist to hold her steady, “you don’t want to fall over.” When I was sure she had regained her balance and her breathing had slowed some I let her go. I really felt bad over startling her so but couldn’t understand her reaction since no one else was in the kitchen. “Why wouldn’t it be ‘we’? She’s only getting a one bedroom apartment, it’s not like you can move in there.”

“Will you still want me here?” she asked. “I mean, it was Tanya who insisted I stay, and I thought when she moved she would want me, but then she said she didn’t have room so I just figured I would return to the streets when she left because I didn’t know if you would still need me to cook and clean for just you, but I guess if I’m still cooking for Tan–”

I had to put my fingers over her lips to get her to stop talking, her words were running so fast. It had to be the most I had ever heard coming from her at one time, with the exception of telling her story to my father. It was definitely the fastest, but she stopped when my fingers touched her lips so I removed them quickly. “Marie, I don’t want you to leave,” I chuckled, “I want you, too.” As soon as I said that I thought about it. I knew I wanted her, but how? My feelings definitely ran deeper than if she was a mere housekeeper. Stepping forward I brought my body to stand where I was just not touching her. I could feel the pull and desire, but I had to be a gentleman. If she wanted me then she would have to take the next step.

“I, uh, guess you want me to still cook and clean? Uhm, I can clean Tanya’s place as well, I suppose –” I stopped her from speaking by putting my fingers back on her lips and surprised myself by wishing it was my lips I had placed there.

“Marie, I hope I’m not too forward, but I like having you here, and as more than a housekeeper.” Her face colored pink as I spoke and she dropped her chin, forcing me to remove my fingers again. The long veil of her dark hair swung forward, hiding her from my view. “Am I embarrassing you?” I asked.

She looked up at me through her lashes, her skin pale and rosy from the remains of her blush. “How do you like me?” she asked.

Did her eyes look hopeful or scared, or was it a combination of both? Did I admit how I had developed feelings for her? Did she notice my obsession with her as she moved around the apartment, cleaning, cooking, or reading? How did I explain that the sound of her laugh made me smile or the smell of her as she walked past made me want to gather her into my arms and breathe her in?

Not wanting to frighten her I decided to explain simply. “You being here makes me happy,” I began, “happier than I ever thought possible.” I shifted my weight and the movement brought me closer to her. I saw she began to breathe faster, but whether that was in response to fear or desire, I couldn’t discern. But then her eyes moved from mine, down to my lips, and back up again. Unable to control my reaction I reached out for her and brushed the hair that had fallen forward behind her shoulder, requiring me to take another half step in and lean forward.

This time it wasn’t my imagination when she leaned into me. Her shaking hand came forward and she rested it on my waist. I cupped my hand around her neck to pull her up to me. “Marie, I want to kiss you,” I whispered as I placed my forehead on hers, closing my eyes as I smelled the sweet floral scent of her skin. “Would that be all right?”

Her shuddering breath accompanied her small nod and if I hadn’t been listening very closely I would have missed the quiet ‘yes’ she whispered. My other arm left the counter I had unconsciously been leaning against and wrapped it around her waist, my fist in the small of her back as the thumb of the hand that was cupping her neck came forward to lift her chin. “Thank you,” I said, almost as quietly.

She was close, so very close. The warmth of her breath tickled the whispers of my chin where I had neglected to shave today as I slowly lowered myself to capture her lips with my own. It was as if I was being offered a wondrous gift, this opportunity to hold her and express my love for her. “My Bella,” I whispered again as my lips touched to hers softly.

The reaction she had was completely unexpected. The hand on my waist wormed its way behind my back as she crushed her body to my own. She lifted up on her toes, pressing her lips more firmly to my own as her other hand came around my neck, the fingers twining into my hair. I gasped at the strength of her kiss and pushed her back against the counter with my body, pinning her there as I met her response with one of my own. It was as if my blood was boiling, and the natural reaction of my body was pressing into the softness of her stomach as my tongue reached out to ask for entrance.

She sighed as it touched her lips, opening her mouth to me and allowing me to gently push my way in. As delicious as her chocolate mousse cake had been nothing compared to the taste of her. It was sweetness and light, purity and kindness all wrapped up in passion and tantalizing delights, and the groan that left my mouth was loud in the otherwise quiet of the kitchen. At least, until the doorbell rang.

It rang once, pulling me from the haze of desire I had sunken into. The second time I was able to pull my mouth from hers, but I remained in front of her, staring into eyes alight with desire. When it rang a third time she gave a little push on my chest, saying, “You’d better answer that.”

I nodded and stepped away from her, untucking my pants to hide my rather obvious reaction to her kiss. Her face flamed at that but I just gave a small shrug and smile; it’s not like it was something I could control.

The fourth time the doorbell rang I was right in front of it, and feeling rather perturbed with whoever had disrupted the best kiss I had ever had in my life. The person on the other side deflated that rather quickly. “Edward, my boy,” my boss, Mr. Slovak, one of the senior partners at my firm greeted me. “I’m so sorry to disturb you at home, but I have a matter of utmost delicacy to speak to you about. I know I can trust you, but listening ears need to be diminished, if you understand my meaning?”

“Oh, of course, Mr. Slovak,” I replied, opening the door wide for him. “Please come in and make yourself comfortable. I’m sorry for my state of dress, I was, uhm, getting changed for the night.”

He waved me off. “You aren’t at the office, dear boy, so please don’t apologize. It is I who must make amends to you for disturbing you in your home outside of business hours. I hope you know how terribly sorry I am for disturbing you like this?”

“It’s quite all right,” I replied, seeing him seated on the couch before taking my place in the chair next to him. “What was so private you needed to go out of your way to visit me at home about? I’m surprised you don’t trust even your own office.”

“Well,” he replied, settling in, crossing his legs and clasping his hands over the briefcase propped up on his lap, “as I said it was a matter of utmost delicacy. I trust we are alone?” His eyes were roaming my apartment quickly, taking in everything and I was taken aback by what they rested on, the book Marie had been reading, the fashion magazine Tanya had flipped through earlier in the day, and they lasted the longest on a small sketch Marie had done to illustrate to Tanya what she had worn to her prom.

“My roommate is asleep, and I’m not sure where my housekeeper is,” I told him, sure that Bella had gone to her room when the door opened, but he didn’t need to know that, “but I’m positive we have privacy.”

“Good, good,” he said, opening his case and handing me a file. “We have been searching the globe for a certain young lady who is due to inherit a large fortune, but we have as yet to find her.” I took the file in my hand but he didn’t quite let go of it so I was unable to open it. “The problem is that I’m afraid she has met with some unsavory characters. Her step-father was a ball player and caught up with illegal gambling, throwing games if you understand.” I did understand, it was the same kind of thing that had gotten Pete Rose into so much trouble. “The mob caught up with him and her mother at the same time, and unfortunately, both were murdered in a most horrific fashion.

“Her father, it turns out, was a dirty cop, mingling with drug pushers and on the take.” He looked me in the eye, “Now, he wasn’t using himself, he was far too smart for that, but it did end up getting him killed.” I began to get goose-bumps. His story was far too close to another I’d heard. “We’ve been trying to find this young woman, because her step-father was insured quite heavily, it turns out, but she seems to have developed a sense of paranoia concerning anyone who approaches her. That’s where I’m hoping you can help, my lad.” With that he let go of the file and leaned back in his seat.

“You are the best we have at locating people, and even though the last that was seen of her was when she was at a homeless shelter here in the city, I have no doubt that you can find her.” I had yet to open the file. Tendrils of dread were crawling up my spine as I looked from the innocuous manila file folder up to the serenely happy face of my boss. There was no way he could be evil, his philanthropy was well known, and yet the story was just too close.

“Who is she?” I asked, not wanting to open the file lest I see something incriminating.

“A simple young woman, I’m afraid. If you open the file you’ll see her name is Bella Swan.” I heard a distinctive gasp and shuffling of feet from the hall but refused to look toward the sound. “Did you see that?” he asked.

“See what? I’m afraid I was looking at you, sir,” I replied.

“I thought I saw a young woman,” he looked at me with a sly grin. “Are you sure you don’t have female company here?” Looking again at my clothes he could see the wrinkles where Bella’s hand had griped the fabric, see where it was askew on my shoulders, evidence of our earlier activities.

“Uhm, yes,” I replied sheepishly, “both my housekeeper and roommate are young women.”

He laughed and clapped his hands. “Oh, to be young and virile again! I bet they are both beauties, yes?”

I nodded. “I assure you, sir, my relationship with both is above reproach. You have nothing to worry about.”

“Yes, yes, I’m sure since they both live here that you are being quite the gentleman,” he said with a sigh as he leaned back into the couch. “All the ladies in the office speak of you with such high regard, saying you treat them as both intellectual and feminine creatures at the same time. A rare gift, to be able to do that, my boy. So many men come off as asexual or condescending, but you manage it with finesse.” His eyes were sharp as he regarded me, before glancing down at the still unopened file and back up. “Are you hesitant? Do you not want this case?”

“No, no, sir, I just didn’t want to be rude,” I insisted, all the while worry ripped through my stomach. Was Bella wrong? Was she overly paranoid after all? Or, even worse, was Mr. Slovak not to be trusted?

“Well,” he said, standing smoothly from his seat, “I’ll leave you to it then. Don’t worry, my dear boy, I’ll see myself out.”

I thanked him and for a long time after the door shut behind him I sat staring at the file, not knowing what to do.

Astronomy had been a love of mine from the time I was a small girl back in Britain during an era when it was unacceptable for women to become anything other than Nurses, Teachers, Secretaries or House Wives. From an early age, I never fit into any of those categories and thank God I had such open-minded and understanding parents. They stood by me and supported whatever decisions I made about my life.

My love for all things celestial eventually transformed into a love for the sky, and in 1973, I was one of the first female pilots to fly a commercial airline. My admittance into the ‘all-male’ clique was met with extreme opposition, and had I been a person of weak character or lacking a stubborn will, I would have listened to their negative comments and quit. However, I inherited my father’s tenacity and my mother’s mile-wide stubborn streak, and I stood by my beliefs that a woman could make just as good, or even a better, pilot.

I leaned forward, ignoring the pain in my lower back and hip, and placed my eye squarely against the eyepiece. All I saw was a blur of black, speckled darkness. My hand went instinctively to the Focuser where I brought the picture into clarity. Smiling, I straightened and rubbed the small of my back.

“Are we all set, Nana?” a small, excited voice behind me asked.

I turn and smile at the source of the voice. My pride and joy; my grandson Michael. His brown eyes are bright with anticipation and his smile just about takes my breath away. He’s such a beautiful child. Sadness immediately tugs at my heart as I think about all that I will miss.

I try to shove the melancholy into the far reaching depths of my soul, but fail miserably. I know what awaits me – the conclusion of my life, the conclusion of my part in his story. But when I glance at the sweet, loving boy in front of me, immediately my spirits lift. I have lived a good, full life and have no regrets. Everything I am is standing right in front of me. Everything has been transferred into the small human vessel wearing the Spiderman t-shirt and shorts.

I laugh and extend my hand to him. He quickly slides his hand into my wrinkled one, entwining our fingers. His grip is strong and sure. Mine is weak and speaks of my age.

“Whenever you’re ready,” I prompt.

Michael gives a squeak of delight and envelops my waist with his tiny arms. He bounces momentarily on the spot and then steps up to the telescope. I adjust the height to accommodate his short stature.

By the time we are finished half of an hour later, Michael has named almost all the constellations with the exception of one. It’s the one that gives him the most trouble, or at least that’s what I thought.

I watch as he chews his bottom lip and then gives me a sly glance. He quickly places his eye against the eyepiece and sighs dramatically. The first fingers of suspicion poke at my intuition, so I am not at all surprised by what he says next.

“I’m sorry, Nana but I’m not sure what that one is called,” he says, sorrowfully.

There is a slight trace of laughter in his voice and from that, my suspicions are confirmed. Michael knew what the last constellation was. He was just trying not to make me feel left out. My amazing, six year old was a genius and a shyster. I could barely contain my glee.

“Mmmm,” I said thoughtfully, tapping my chin. “Well, I think it’s a lady and she’s wearing a dress.” I squint my eyes as if in deep concentration. I then snapped my fingers as if receiving an epiphany. “Cassiopeia.”

Michael, glanced at me, his toothy grin on display. It was obvious he was thoroughly enjoying his game and I was more than willing to play along. After all, this would be the last time we did this. The last time before I was called home. The cancer eating away at my insides had almost completed its journey, just as I was about to complete mine. The pains I felt now were only a subtle reminder of its presence. A reminder that I only had days to live.

A tear unwillingly slid down my cheek and hung suspended from my chin. I automatically catch the droplet of moisture with my fingers so that Michael would not see. I do not want to upset him. I want him to be free, happy. That’s why I made the decision to not tell him about my condition. Actually, that’s why I decided not to tell anyone, including my daughter, Nancy, Michael’s mother.

I wanted them to always remember me as I am – alive, healthy and whole. Not sick, disease-ridden and old. It would be hard for them when I finally left this earth, but they would understand that I did it for them because I loved them.

Michael’s vigorous tugging on the pocket of my skirt brought me out of my reverie. He points towards the sky, and I inhale in awe as a bolt of light shoots across the sky for an immeasurable moment and then disappears from sight over the horizon.

“Did you see that?” he asked, stretching his arms out.

He then clasped his hands together as if in prayer and bowed his head. His lips moved quickly and silently. When he is finished, he looks up at me, his eyes filled to overflowing with tears. I am in shock. Why would the appearance of a shoot star bring about this reaction? I draw his small body against mine and hug him. He hugs me back with amazing strength for one his age.

“Nana, do you want to know what I wished for?” he asked, his voice muffled.

I clear my throat and swallow pass the lump. “Sure, sweetie,”

He sniffed and stared into my eyes. “I wished that you wouldn’t die. I wished you wouldn’t have to leave so soon cause you’ll never get to see me become that Scientist,” His voice a mere whisper, was filled with pain and grief. “But most of all, I wished tonight wasn’t our last.”

It took my breath away.

Illuminated by soft flood lights, sat the most enchanting Cape Cod-style house I’d ever seen.

An arbor welcomed patrons into the front garden. White satin globe lights were strung all over its frame, lending it a celestial glow; an elegantly scripted plaque hung from the top:

A Heavenly Brew.

Edward was standing right next to me; I turned to him, my mouth agape.

“This is a coffee shop?”

Leaning in, he whispered, “Wait until you see inside.”