July 19, 2010

Edward had to return to work after lunch with his family and stood by and smiled while they all hugged me goodbye. Walking hand in hand the few blocks back to his clinic he leaned over and whispered, “They all really like you, you know.”

I couldn’t stop the small smile that played on my lips. “I like them, too,” I told him, looking down at the sidewalk.

He pulled me to a stop just a few feet from the door to his clinic. “Can I come by and see you tonight?” I agreed, but then asked why we never went to his place. “We were just there for lunch, Bella,” he laughed. “I was going to get my own place, but with the costs of starting up the clinic, coupled with my parents’ begging, I moved back home.” Wrapping me in his arms he continued, “I just thought we’d have more privacy at your place, but if you’d rather be with my family?”

“No, no, my place is fine, I was just curious,” I rushed to correct him. Then my evil side kicked in. “Although, it would be interesting to see your room. I wonder if it’s as clean as you say? And do you clean it or does your mom?”

Bending down with a laugh he gave me Eskimo kisses, rubbing my nose with his. “I do, and I have assigned chores, for your information. I’m in charge of cleaning the bathrooms, and I’ll have you know that I insist on a squeaky clean shower.”

I threw my head back in a laugh. “Great! I know what your chore will be if we get married, then. I hate cleaning bathrooms,” I told him with a shudder.

“You know, they’re easier to clean when you have company,” he whispered. “Maybe—”

Whatever he was going to say was cut off by a quiet “Excuse me, Dr. Cullen,” beside us. He immediately went into professional mode, stepping away from me even though he kept hold of my hand, and talking to the patient that was outside his clinic. We walked with her, a young mother whose child was crying and rubbing his ears, as he asked about symptoms. I would have walked away but when I pulled on my hand he just tightened his grip and gave me a smile with a shake of his head.

While the mother was handed forms to fill out by the receptionist Edward pulled me into an examination room. “I didn’t get a chance to kiss you goodbye, and you haven’t told me if I can come over tonight.”

“You can come over to my place anytime you want,” I told him as I wrapped my arms around his torso and leaned my head on his chest.

I felt his fingers under my chin, and willingly allowed him to lift my face for a kiss that was far too quick for my satisfaction. “I’ll be by at six-thirty,” he said before placing another kiss on my forehead.

“Good,” I replied. “You can clean my shower while I cook dinner.” I was sure his resulting laugh could be heard in the waiting room, and sure enough there were more than a few smirks and questioning looks when we walked back out there. With a quiet, “see you tonight” from both of us we reluctantly let go of each other’s hand and I made the short walk back to my apartment.

While it was true I let my place get messy from the sheer volume of books I had there, I insisted it be clean. Still, I couldn’t resist the urge to place cleaning supplies outside of the bathtub, just to see what he would do.

At six-twenty-five I got a text from him.

Last patient, will be late. Sorry.

Figuring that if this relationship was going to go the way I wanted it to that I had better get used to this, I sent my reply.

Will hold dinner. Be here when you can.

With no idea of how long he would be I put the casserole back into the oven with the temperature turned off with the hope that the residual heat would keep it warm until he arrived. I had already put ice into the glasses, but just shrugged when I looked at them. If it melted before he got there I could just pour out the water and replace it. If it was only a few minutes then why waste the effort?

Curling up on my couch with one of my favorite authors I decided I could wait to eat. I made sure I was situated, red pen in hand, comfy pillow behind my back, and set to reading. There was only one problem, I was hungry.

Forcing myself into the book I was probably a little harsher in my editing than I should be, but being hungry made me cranky. After a while, though, I was able to focus all my attention onto what I was doing and ignore the passing of time. Even to the point where I laid down on the couch, comfy pillow now behind my head as I read.

I woke to hear banging on my front door. Starting into a sitting position I dropped the book and realized that I was quite blind since there were no lights on in the apartment. I could hear Edward on the other side, calling my name, so cried out an “I’m coming!” as loudly as I could with my brain still in sleep mode.

Stumbling to the door I managed to do a number on my second toe of my right foot when I jammed it into the leg of a chair. “Bella?” Edward called out when he heard my cry of pain, but by then I was actually at the door so just opened it instead of responding. “Oh, Bella, I’m so sorry,” he said as he walked into my apartment and wrapped his arms around me. “This guy just showed up at the end of the day, no appointment, but was having what he said was severe heartburn. Only, then he collapsed, and it turned out he was having a heart attack in my office. I had to treat him, and followed him to the ER to make sure he was all right. It turns out the head of administration was doing an audit, watched me work with his people, and offered me a position where I can keep my practice but use the hospital to do surgery. I texted you but didn’t get a reply and so I was sure you were mad at me. I hope you’ve already eaten and I wish I could promise this would never happen again—”

I had been saying his name over and over to break in, only he just kept going. Finally, just to get him to be quiet I reached up and captured his lips with my own. After a moment of shock one of his hands shot behind my head to seal my lips to his while the other remained around my waist, pulling me tight against his body. I could feel the tension drain from his body as I kissed him, my hands high on his shoulders, feeling them relax.

After a few minutes he lifted his head from mine. “You’re not upset?”

I let out a snort of laughter. “No, I know what comes with dating a doctor. I am hungry though. I just hope the casserole isn’t ruined,” I said the last while pulling away and beginning to limp over to what I was sure was a now cold dish, covering up the wince from my sore toe with a reaction to the light being turned on. “What time is it?”

Apparently I didn’t cover up my wince as well as I thought because he scooped me up into his arms and carried me the whole five feet to my table, setting me in a chair and dropping to one knee. “You’re not going to propose, are you?” I teased.

“Not while you’re in pain,” he quipped back, scowling when I gasped as he got to my sore toe. “It doesn’t seem broken, just bruised,” he let me know after a thorough examination and right before laying his head in my lap. “How can I make this up to you?”

Assuming his question wasn’t wholly rhetorical I ran my fingers through his hair and used my grip to pull his head up gently. “You could reheat me some food,” I told him with a smile. “I really am hungry.”

He reached up and cupped my face. “Will you promise to always be this easy going about me being late because of work?”

I leaned down and gave him a quick kiss. “No,” I replied honestly. “I’m sure a time will come when I’m quite pissed off with you over it, but I promise to try. However, if you don’t feed me soon I may start now.”

“Yes, ma’am!” he saluted me with a laugh before turning to get plates and the now luke-warm casserole that was dried out and not in the least bit appetizing. Still, it was food, and was made all the more delicious by the handsome, sweet, overly-apologetic man who shared it with me.

Storyline: Esme’s Grief

(Esme)

I hold the hand of this strange man and we run through the woods entirely too quickly. I fear for a moment that I might hit something, that I might slam into a tree or lose my footing but neither happens. It feels as natural as breathing and this man, Carlisle, guides me with the slightest pressure on my palm or squeezes gently to slow me.

There is so much to see, to hear. It all looks vaguely familiar and yet it is all brand new and verdant and aromatic.

I find myself testing things – I whisper Carlisle’s name and his eyes are immediately upon me. I reach out to touch a tree and it cracks and thumps to the ground as I speed by, effortlessly sidestepping the falling branches. I smell, inhaling deeply, and the glorious variety of odors and aromas perfuses my senses.

I look over at Carlisle, surprised that his scent arouses my curiosity. I am embarrassed and self-conscious when with the slightest pressure I tug him to a full stop. He looks at me openly, more accepting than any man I can hazily recall, and I feel like I shouldn’t but I desperately want to smell him. I want to lean into him and drag my nose up his flesh and wallow in the heady perfume surrounding him.

“What is it?” he asks innocently. He is respectful. He is straightforward. He is open and I can’t figure out why I feel like he should be angry with me.

“I want…” I begin. “I feel…” I try again. “I need to be closer to you,” I finally sputter out and as if obeying a command, my body is instantly next to his, my nose tilting, my eyes closing and my hands reaching.

I inhale deeply and feel fully satisfied for just a moment as my hands come to rest lightly on his forearms.

“May I?” he asks. I open my eyes.

“You want to…to…” I can hardly say the words because they seem so strange. “You want to smell me too?”

“I do,” he said quietly, placidly. “May I?”

I feel wary and step back. “I don’t know,” I answer.

“Esme,” he says, and his voice is a soothing caress across my psyche, “I don’t have to. I don’t want you to feel like you have to do anything at all. I think it’s important that you know I will never, ever hurt you.”

I look intently at him, gauging his words and wondering how they could possibly be true. A part of me doesn’t believe any of it, and yet another part struggles with the certainty that he is gentle – that’s he is not lying – that he really isn’t capable of hurting me.

I step toward him hesitantly, placing my hands on his forearms again. He bows his head, closes his eyes and looks for all things like he’s praying. I see his nostrils flare and I know that I am allowing him to take me in. He visibly relaxes and exhales and his warm and welcoming scent envelopes me again. When his eyes open and meet mine, I am lost in wonderment.

His eyes are quiet, calm and unwavering. He feels foreign to me on so many levels, just like everything else in this new existence, and yet he conveys a sense of unwavering stability. His eyes are a beautiful honey color and they regard me with an openness that is simple and staggering all at once.

“Carlisle,” I began.

“Yes?” he answers.

“How did I come to be with you?” I ask.

For the first time his eyes falter. He feels guilty for something I realize.

I squeeze gently on his forearm and he meets my eyes again.

“You were in pain Esme,” he says imploringly. “You were broken and vulnerable and I…”

I search his face intently. I cannot for the life of me understand his discomfort.

“I took you for myself,” he says, his face contorting in a remorseful look.

“You wanted…” I start. For some reason I feel like I can’t finish. I force it out. “You wanted me?” My voice exits in strangled disbelief.

“Esme,” he says quietly. “I don’t know how to tell you this. I have been alone for decade upon decade and even though Edward is part of my life I wanted… I needed…”

“Me,” I finish for him. “You wanted me. You needed me.” I whisper these words and am reeling with Carlisle’s disclosure. He has no acquaintance with me apart from this recent happenstance. He has no knowledge of me, which, truth be told, neither do I really.

Yet I have been holding his hand as we run. I have inhaled deeply of his nearness and have steadied myself on his forearms. I have looked into his eyes and known peace in the most recent moments of my existence.

“I’m sorry Esme,” he apologizes. “I know I am ultimately a self-centered beast for hoping that you could ever want to be with me. I know I have sinned and corrupted my Christian ethics and morals by changing you to hopefully become my companion. I know I am potentially making a huge erroneous assumption that you would even consider it.”

I reel in place. I stand yet my mind is flying like a thousand startled birds. What could Carlisle possibly want with me?

“Carlisle,” I say. “I can’t pretend to understand. My mind is not my own – it seems uncomfortable being contained right now – but I find myself at peace with you. I find myself content in your presence and I wish for nothing else but that at this moment. I don’t know when or how this could possibly change so I am grateful and hope you will allow me to remain at your side.”

“Yes Esme,” he says quietly. “I will.”

I am reminded of marriage vows but instead of the acrid discontent that I vaguely remember, I look into Carlisle’s eyes and feel the warmth of the sun shower surrounding us and the easy harmony between us.

I slip my hand into his and say, “Let’s run some more. I rather enjoy it.”

I feel joyful, serene and powerful, and I have the unquenchable desire to comfort Carlisle.

*^*^*^*^*

(Carlisle)

Her smile is an unguarded embrace that blankets me completely, leaving me mute and stunned until the gentle tug of her hand in mine sends us flying above the ferns, gliding over the rocks, running toward an uncertain yet already brighter future.

He reached back into the shower and turned both knobs off, listening to the water incessantly drip from the faucet like it did every day. He found that noise one of the most annoying sounds in the universe; it was on the list with crying babies and blenders.

Edward marched out of the bathroom, glad to have the place to himself as he strolled down the hall with his towel around his shoulders like a cape. After pulling some clean sweats on, he went to the hall closet and looked at the water heater. It was clear that he couldn’t tell if anything was wrong just by looking at it. Perhaps if the thing had caught on fire, he would’ve known something, but alas, he was staring at what seemed to be a perfectly healthy water heater. He knew he didn’t have the time to call anyone, as he had a class in forty minutes, so he resolved to take care of it later.

After getting dressed and sending a text to his roommate, explaining the hot water situation, he grabbed his things and headed out the door. Only the very front of his hair got wet when the cold water sprayed him, and it dried quickly in the summer sun. When he got to school, he took his usual seat in the seminar classroom, halfway up, near the aisle, and waited for Bella.

Just before the professor began his lecture, she slipped in and tried fruitlessly to run up the stairs towards him. Her toe missed a step and she fell hard on her knee, letting out a small groan as other students snickered at her misfortune. Edward jumped up, rushing the two yards to get to her, and helped her to her feet. Her face was blood red, but she shot him an appreciate smile. Edward couldn’t help but smile back, or ignore the way her hand fit so perfectly into his. He’d been nursing a crush on her since last fall, and he was thankful that she’d signed up for the summer course along with him. He’d been trying to work up the nerve to ask her on a date for several months, but just couldn’t. Anytime he thought he had a chance, something would happen. Or, a few different someones would happen. First, it was Mike. Then it was Jasper. Then it was fuckface – er, Jacob.

Bella hadn’t been on a date in over a month, so Edward was, once again, pumping himself up to ask her out. He heard the proverbial clock ticking, and knew that if he hesitated again, he might lose his chance. The next guy might be the guy, and he didn’t want to risk it.

Sometime in the middle of the lecture, right when Edward’s eyes were beginning to droop, Bella slid a note onto his hand. After reading Bella’s innocent words about how his day is going, Edward smirked and wrote back, giving a short version of how the icy shower started his day off just right.

Bella gave him a sympathetic glance, then wrote back. Edward’s pulse quickened when he read her words, knowing he shouldn’t imagine subtext that wasn’t there.

Shower at my place after class?

As Edward tried to calm the erection he was embarrassingly growing in his pants, Bella snatched the note back, scribbling more onto it.

We can work on the assignment together, and order a pizza. You can’t turn down a hot shower. And I have fluffy towels!

Edward shook his head with a quiet laugh. He couldn’t resist her. She was too sweet and kind for her own good, and sexy without even knowing it. He nodded his agreement, and he watched in amazement as a light blush heated up her face. She smiled widely and turned her attention back to the professor’s monotone lecture.

Once class ended, Edward followed Bella back to her apartment. He’d been there a few times, usually for study sessions, or to pick up notes when he missed a class, but never for an extended stay. Or a shower.

Bella pointed the way to the bathroom, sitting out an extra large, and yes, extremely fluffy towel for him to use, and offered to call the pizza in. Edward stripped quickly, jumping in and reveling in the feel of the perfectly tempered water; he would never take it for granted again. Since he had none of his own toiletries with him, he had no choice but to use some of Bella’s. Her shampoo was expensive, he could tell from the way it lathered, and it smelled of grapefruit. He read the back of the bottle of conditioner, and decided to dump some of that on his hair as well. He reached for her body wash, expecting something fruity, but was surprised to find that it was actually quite a musky scent. It was made for men, and it smelled of evergreen, woods, and campfire. The thought of Bella rubbing such a masculine scent over her dainty, petite form made Edward get a little too excited. He couldn’t afford to sport a hard-on all night, and he was not going to jerk off in her shower, so he tried thinking of grotesque scenes from movies, or the childbirth video he watched in tenth grade health class.

After emerging from the shower, feeling like a new man, he flopped down on the couch next to Bella. She smiled at him as she clicked hurriedly through channels. He could see her eyes darting, looking at him in her periphery, and it made him on edge.

“Hey, you okay?” Bella turned to look at his concerned face, and without waiting one more second, launched herself at him.

Her mouth crashed against his clumsily, but neither cared. Edward moaned loudly, feeling the arousal he’d squelched moments before come back full force. Bella responded, hitching her leg over his lap and gripping his jaw with her small hands. The stubble on his face spurred her on, and Edward couldn’t help but slip his hands down her backside. The two eventually pulled apart, breathing heavily, but Bella held her position straddling him.

“Not that…I’m complaining,” Edward began, speaking as he panted, “but where the hell did that come from?”

“That came from eight months of pent up sexual tension, I think. And serious attraction. And you just…smell so damn good,” Bella answered, her face blushing as she spoke honestly.

“I only smell damn good because I used your stuff in the shower,” Edward told her.

“I had no idea how much better it smelled on you,” Bella said with a laugh. Just then, a knock sounded at the door, and she had to get up to pay the delivery guy. She brought the pizza back over to the couch, regretfully sitting beside of Edward instead of on top of him. “By the way, I’ve been holding back from doing that to you for a while.”

“So…you’ve wanted me, too? All this time?”

Bella nodded in response as she took a bite of pizza.

“I can’t believe all the time I wasted,” Edward told her with a surprised look on his face. He resolved right then and there to not make the same mistake. And to work damn hard to make up for lost time.