August 6, 2010

It’s all looking and no touching for my part now but then it’s always been like that. I’ve never been allowed to touch. I reprimand myself in my head each time I think I might overstep a line or already have but lately thinking ‘look, but don’t touch‘ doesn’t help. It just makes me want to do it more and it feels like live is teasing me, trying to make me screw my life up, testing me.

Beep beep

The silent alarm on my mobile goes off again, I’ve already put it on snooze six times and that’s two times too many. I’m late, my boss is going to kill me and I can’t seem to get my thoughts in order, my latest sex-dream about my guys out of my head or the feeling that in two weeks everything in my life will change, dramatically. ‘Cause in two weeks the costume-party that I’m having for the guys will be but how that will change anything is beyond my comprehension, so far.

Ten minutes later I’m on a mission of untangling myself from the sheets in my bed, how I ever manage to get this stuck is a mystery.

Ten more minutes later I’m still on the hunt for the same black shirt I started looking for last night, gave up on and then started again five minutes ago.

Five minutes later I walk out of my bedroom wearing a pair of grey jeans, a white shirt and black socks, not one of the items on my body being what I’d originally wanted to wear today.

“You. Are. So. Late.” Rafe laughs at me as I hurry around in the kitchen, trying to get the toast and coffee to get finished faster.

“Shut up.” I murmur, my mood in the morning is well-known in our home-town and so is the rules about how to treat me unless you want to end us as my breakfast: you don’t bother me, you don’t talk to me and you stay out of my way. Of course non of my two house-buddies gives a shit whether they or the toasts are to become my breakfast, they just break all the rules in one single move.

“You know, staring at the coffee-machine won’t really make it work faster. It’s a machine, it doesn’t know what fear is or that you is the morning bitch.” Rafe continues and I kinda hope he wont be fast enough to duck as I throw an old tee-bag, lying on the counter, over my left shoulder. When I then turn around I proudly see that Rafe has the tee-bag in the middle of his forehead, I guess he was closer than I thought, and I high-five myself mentally.

“Nice one, darlin’. However, unless you plan on leaving the apartment in less than your undies I suggest you don’t try that trick, ever, again.” Rafe smiles.

My legs turn into liquid and my lungs nearly collapse at his words, silly really, since I should be used to his ‘threats’ by now. It’s been this thing between me and Rafe for a few years now that we tease each other a little more, sexual.

Actually, Rafe is the one doing the teasing and you are the one turning into liquid each time. It’s time you did something to make him feel what you are feeling… Maybe not exactly what you are feeling, you know, with the dreams and all. Just do something to show him that he isn’t the only one with a brain and sexy words.

“You are bluffing. I know that because if you weren’t bullshitting you would already had my clothes of and had your fun.” With me, in any way you want. I say and afterwards I lean in close to his left ear when saying the final word. “Darlin’.”

I grab my to-go-cup, pour the now finished coffee in it, grab my toasts and head out the apartment. Doing all of that with a smug smile on my lips and a huge ego boost of the plan working. That, my dear Rafe, was for the kisses you gave me two weeks ago, which you haven’t mentioned like all those other open-mouthed kisses on my arms, hands, neck or somewhere else that you have given me. That, my love, was just a taste of the shadow of what I will do to you and Josh when you get your heads out of your asses and tell me what the hell is going on. Because Née is getting bored, and when Née gets bored Née gets pissed.

Somehow (don’t ask me how) I found myself attending a Kiss concert with my cousin Rosalie. Rosalie was acting like an insane fangirl for Gene Simmons, even being so crass that she turned to me and breathed, “Oh my God – the tongue Bella!”

She fanned herself then and went back to flogging her giant appendage of blond hair back and forth. At one point she even started to fist-pump like the heavy metal chick she was and I waited breathlessly for her to whip out a lighter and hold it up in homage.

“Bella! Paul Stanley is so hot! Look at all that hair on his chest. I soooo wish we could get backstage to get a piece of that,” she gushed.

“Rosalie – he’s married,” I said flatly.

“Are you seriously naive enough to think he isn’t hitting it with some hot groupies on the road?” she asked.

“Dude – that’s just nasty,” I replied dismissively. “I’m getting a beer. You coming?”

“Nah,” she answered. “That guy totally wants me,” she said, motioning toward a thickly muscled and leering behemoth standing a few feet away.

“You sure?” I verified. “That doesn’t look too safe.” I motioned toward the bull-man.

“He’s got a nice smile,” she justified.

I rolled my eyes and pushed through the crazily roiling crowd. When I saw the bar it was hugely crowded and I consoled myself that I’d have a modicum of peace and quiet before I had to try and navigate a beer back to Rosalie.

I took up a place in line and grabbed my iPhone to catch up with email and Twitter while I waited.

“Are you attached to that thing?” said a velvet-like voice that was inappropriately close.

I turned to see who had the audacity to invade my personal space and practically head-butted one Edward Cullen.

I was speechless.

And gawking.

And open-mouthed.

Again.

This man had seen me in this less-than-stellar state at least three times in the last twenty-four hours and it did not bode well for my professional persona at Cullen Enterprises.

“What are you doing here?” I asked.

“Isn’t it obvious?” he retorted.

When I shook my head he leaned in and whispered, “I’m stalking you.”

A semi-hysterical giggle bubbled up out of me and I slapped my hand over my mouth.

“Are you drinking Miss Swan?” he asked in a very proper tone of voice.

I felt guilty for a split second and squelched it before answering, “So what if I am?”

I regretted it instantly and he raised his eyebrows at me before saying, “Touchy, touchy!”

I whipped around so he saw nothing but my back and then I felt the warmth of his hand cupping my ass cheek.

I turned quickly to face him. I may have worked for someone in his famous family but that didn’t mean he could put his hands on me.

“Just what in the hell do you think you’re doing?” I asked.

“Just checking,” he said impishly.

“Just checking what, exactly?” I asked.

“Just wanted to make sure you were all in one piece after falling on your ass last night,” he said.

I wanted to smack him so hard that I had to ball my hands into fists to control myself. Where was sweet stoner dude from yesterday? Maybe Kiss brought out his bad boy side.

“Keep your fucking hands to yourself,” I seethed.

“Ooh – such obscene words from such a pristine girl,” he taunted.

I almost responded with the next line but restrained myself and said, “You don’t even know me.”

“No, but I’ve watched you long enough to know what a buttoned up number-cruncher you are.” His smile was sexy rather than malicious.

“And I don’t have to watch you much to know what a smug self-centered, arrogant asshole you are,” I said. “Look but don’t touch.”

With that, I turned toward the counter and ordered two Leinie’s Reds for me and Rosalie.

After paying I spun on my heel and departed, carefully juggling the beers so they didn’t spill too much on the way back to our cheap lawn seats. I found Rosalie head-banging next to the giant man she’d found.

“Emmett!” I heard Edward shout right behind me. The behemoth’s head swerved around and he gave Edward an enthusiastic thumbs’ up.

“Dammit!” I hissed in frustration.

I handed Rosalie her beer and went to our blanket to sit. I was pissed. How dare she glom on to the one guy in the place attached to Edward Cullen?

I sat down and started chugging my beer angrily. It really was a huge beer and it was my second of the night. It was gone pretty quickly so I started to feel tingly all over. I got angry that Edward ‘the heir to the throne’ Cullen was screwing up my good time so I went to stand by Rosalie, trying to recapture the happy concert-goer attitude I had prior to assgrabber’s appearance.

I was head-banging and singing at the top of my lungs. “I wanna rock and roll all night! And party every day!”

And suddenly he was beside me, smiling down at me, making my insides flip over with his hotness.

Not good.

But I decided to enjoy him anyway. I’d punished him enough for the gratuitous ass-grab and I had to admit that he was seriously nice to look at, gawk at, etcetera.

He caught on that I wasn’t feeling so abrasive and we actually starting sort of head-banging together. We played a few riffs on air guitar and watched in awe as the drummer’s kit was lifted out over the crowd on hydraulics.

Pyrotechnics concluded the night and I turned to clean up our stuff.

“Need some help?” Edward volunteered.

“Sure – that’d be great,” I said. I smiled at him as we folded the blanket together and then I noticed Rosalie was nowhere to be seen.

“Where’s your friend Emmett?” I asked, trying not to panic about Rosalie’ absence.

“He took your friend home,” said Edward. “Um, can you give me a ride?”

“Are you serious?” I asked, looking at him in disbelief.

“As a train wreck,” he said, crossing his heart.

“Well it was nice of her to say something,” I said, kind of miffed. I couldn’t believe that Rosalie eschewed the girl code for te first time ever.

“Maybe check your phone?” suggested Edward. Sure enough, two text messages explained her whereabouts.

“Thank goodness,” I said.

“She’ll be fine,” he said. “Emmett’s good people.”

We gathered the stuff in our arms and started walking with the crowd toward my Mini. Edward grabbed the back of my jeans and I felt a little brush of cool night air as my pants gapped a little.

Everything was too big lately and I was betting Edward could see my underwear if he wanted. They were old and not at all sexy.

Pretty soon we got squished together and Edward’s hand wandered from the small of my back to wrap around my waist.

“I don’t want to lose you,” he said leaning in closer. I caught his eye for just a second longer than necessary and my breathing stopped for a second.

Wow.

Alice burst through the door of the diner where I sat watching Bella eat. Did you kiss her yet? her mind yelled as she rushed over to us, a huge smile on her face.

“Alice?” Bella questioned as my sister slid into the seat across from her, bumping into me. “What has you so excited?”

“Oh, just got some good news,” she hedged, trying not to bounce. She’s it, Edward. She’s my new sister!

“Not yet, she isn’t,” I whispered back at vampire speed, hoping Bella didn’t catch that I said anything. Unfortunately she was watching us curiously, and so closely.

“Okay, what’s the deal?” she asked, leaning back in her seat and crossing her arms over her chest. Her fruit plate lay untouched in front of her.

“Whatever do you mean?” Alice asked, tilting her head to the side and putting on her innocent act.

Pointing at Alice her eyes narrowed. “Why are you so happy?” Her eyes darted to me, followed a half-second later by her finger, “And why does it seem you can read minds or something?”

I’ve got this Alice told me quickly. “I’m happy because I know you’ll say yes to coming over tomorrow and meeting the rest of the family.” Bella’s eyebrow quirked up at that. “And you don’t really think he can read minds, do you?” Her look of incredulity was perfectly poised and highly convincing, only Bella didn’t seem to be convinced.

“Whatever, Alice, and fine, I’ll come over tomorrow. I’d like to meet your parents.” Alice jumped across the table and hugged her at that.

Bella’s laugh rang out in the diner, drawing smiles at the girls’ antics, along with a few thoughts of some of the older patrons wishing for some peace and quiet. “Why don’t we go on home? I promised Bella’s dad I’d have her there by midnight.”

The drive home was interesting. My emotions toward Bella were being read by Jazz, who would snigger every now and then, reflecting that emotion back out, which Bella would catch and start laughing as well. Before long the entire car was erupting into guffaws on a regular basis. My eyes would catch Jasper’s in the rear-view mirror, begging him to stop since Bella was already grasping her side where she had a stitch from laughing. I haven’t had this much fun in a while Edward, and her laughing keeps me from wanting to drink from her. I just sighed and chuckled again as Alice told a really bad joke to which, thanks to Jasper, Bella laughed.

By the time we pulled up to her home there were tears in her eyes. “I must be really tired,” she giggled, “I have a tendency to get a bit loopy when I am.”

“Oh, I’m sure we helped,” I added as I walked her up to the door, hearing her father put the feet of his chair down and start for the door.

“I can’t remember when I’ve had so much fun,” she whispered, heat suffusing her face with a beautiful glow.

“Not even on your other dates?” I asked, wondering if the boys where she had moved from had formed a line like the ones here were doing, all thinking of how they wanted to ask her out.

She laughed the first truly carefree laugh of the night, without any help from Jasper. “Oh, Edward, I never dated.”

This struck me as incredibly odd, especially given the thoughts of the male population upon her arrival. By this time we were at the door, though, with her father on the other side, listening. “I find that difficult to believe,” I told her, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear that had fallen forward when she hung her head, drawing forth another blush. “Your blush is lovely,” I added, then bit my lip as I heard her father groan, a sense of overwhelming protectiveness flowing out from him. “I think your dad is waiting for you.”

“Probably on the other side of the door,” she chuckled, causing her father to huff and walk back a few steps, but definitely still within hearing range. “Do you really want me to meet your parents tomorrow?”

“I met your dad, it’s only fair that you meet mine.” The beating of her pulse under the thin layer of skin in her throat called to me. So warm, so lovely, smelling floral and warm, drawing me in like a bee to honey, only I was sure she would taste far more sweet.

Don’t you dare, Edward! I love her too! Alice screamed in her mind, breaking me from the siren call of her pulse. Bella’s heart was racing and I realized I was leaning in close to her in order to smell her better. How I wished I could read her mind, for I found I wanted to taste her very much; a kiss would be much better than drinking from her. Too soon! Alice trilled while snuggling Jasper in the backseat, so I took a deep breath, settling for tasting her scent on my tongue, and stepped back.

“Goodnight, Bella,” I told her, thrilled to see a look of disappointment in her eyes, “I’ll come for you in the morning?”

She nodded and wished me goodnight as well as she walked through the door and greeted her father. Alice was gloating all the way home, planning activities for the next day.