August 7, 2010

I was seriously going to throw up. I hurt everywhere. I pushed the button on the hospital bed, desperate for the nurse to bring me some painkillers, something, and fast.

Crap, how did I get myself in this situation?

You know how, you got drunk, got laid and got pregnant. So cliché.

My inner dialogue wasn’t helping.

Gads, where was that nurse? My labor was intensifying and I was hurting. Where was Alice? I called her an hour ago.

“Hey, sweetie,” the nurse with the blonde hair came in, I think she said her name was Tanya, I’d have to sneak a peek at her ID. She picked up the long strip of paper shooting out of the machine that monitored my contractions, reading back over the last ten minutes. “How are you feeling? Your contractions are getting closer together, do you think you are ready for your epidural?”

“God am I ever,” I managed.

She smiled and pulled the phone out of her pocket. “Yes, please tell Dr. Cullen we are ready in room 618…thanks.”

“Thank you,” I gasped as another contraction started. I could feel it beginning in my back, spreading around my hugely swollen tummy, gripping like long fingers. The top of my abdomen was rock hard, like a basketball or watermelon. I tried to remember what the nurses taught me and Alice in the birthing classes.

“Breathe through the contractions, don’t tense up…this just makes them worse. Focus.”

I tried to think of something happy, but not much had gone right in my life recently. I just finished my graduate degree though, so that was something good. I tried not to think of Mike and how when I told him about the baby, he stuttered out something about not being ready, that he had other plans, and how he would help me, “take care of the problem.”

I tried not to remember how I felt when he said those words, how completely wrong they felt to me, that no matter what, I couldn’t “take care of the problem” like he wanted me to.

“Thanks, but no thanks. I’m sorry that we feel so differently about this,” I said to him.

“Yeah, me too,” he said, looking awkwardly at his feet, trying to surreptitiously look at his watch as if there were someplace important he needed to be, or at least someplace other than here, with me.

“Go, it’s fine. I’ll be fine,” I said.

And I would be, I knew that. I was pretty good at taking care of myself. When mom and dad died in the middle of my sophomore year in college, I was on my own. An orphan at 20. Thank God there was plenty of money, mom and dad had carried hefty life insurance policies. So when I found myself in my ‘predicament,’ I didn’t worry as much as some might. I could take care of my baby on my own, thank you very much.

Alice had been my saving grace though. Her parents were lawyers and helped me with the settlement in addition to handling the lawsuit against the trucking company that caused the accident. That though was still ongoing, although we had a settlement date at least. She kept me grounded, kept me in school and went with me to all my baby classes. Right now though, best friend or not, she was late and I needed her.

“Sorry!” she breezed in, brisk and business-like, bringing all her good feelings with her. I let out a silent breath, Alice was here. I would be okay. “There was an accident on the North Bridge, the poor cabbie couldn’t wait to get me here, I gave him such a tongue lashing!” she laughed, and I laughed with her, my latest contraction all but a memory, printed on the little readout. I had about four minutes or so before the next one, where was that stupid doctor?

“Where’s Jasper?” I asked.

“He’s at work, but is ready to fill the room with flowers, I just have to give the word,” she smiled. Jasper was Alice’s fiancée, and my other best friend. I had won the lottery with my freshman roommate.

Tanya looked at Alice with her gentle smile, “Are you here as a friend? A coach?”

“I’m her best friend and coach, my name is Alice,” she said with her engaging way. It was hard not to love her immediately.

“Good, I’m so glad Bella has someone here. We’ve called the anesthesiologist, he should be here very soon, he was just finishing up in another room,” Tanya told her.

“I’m glad,” Alice said, eyeing me warily as I felt another contraction start, my grimace evident on my face.

“Breathe, Bella. You remember what they taught us, focus on something happy. Think about the baby.”

I pictured a little face, a little nose, a tiny bow of a mouth. I had no experience with children, so I’m sure my visions were wildly out of proportion, but it was good to think about something besides the pain that was gripping me, making me want to puke.

“That’s it sweetie, almost done,” Alice said soothingly, watching the arc on the digital screen hit it’s apex.

The contraction started to abate and we all looked up as the quick knock on the door sounded through the room. “Oh, thank God,” I muttered, anxious to get rid of this pain which was getting worse…and more frequent.

I was unprepared for my emotional reaction to the man that walked in the room.

I had sworn off men after making the most classic of mistakes, spending my time exercising, eating right, and studying to finish my masters degree. I never went out anymore, except to dinner with friends and tried to be positive. After I started showing, guys never really paid much attention to me anymore anyway, figuring I was more than ‘off the market.‘ Whatever, I had more important things to think about.

This doctor looked to be about thirty, with reddish-brownish hair, clipped close to the sides, a strong jaw and eyes like grass after it’s been mown. He was my savior in a doctor’s coat and I felt my eyes spill over with tears as the emotion of the past twenty-four hours caught up with me. I could swear the light changed when he walked up. The sunlight streamed through the window as if it tried to follow him, to show his way.

“Don’t cry,” he said gently, with a beautiful smile, “I’ll make the pain go away.”

After Edward reached his climax he slipped out and turned me in his arms, and I stood in his embrace as the water continued to sluice over us. My arms were wrapped around his waist and my head lay on his chest as I quietly rejoiced that he was all right.

It wasn’t until the water started to run cold that I lifted my head. “I guess we should go to the hospital and see how Mike is.” It was torture to pull my body away from his but I knew it must be done.

“I’m sure he’d be a lot better if you walked in like that,” Edward chuckled as he turned off the water with one hand, taking the towel I was giving him with the other.

“I wasn’t going to go nude, Edward, although I’m sure you’d be quite the hit with the nurses,” I quipped as I looked down his body. That’s when I noticed a huge, hoof-shaped bruise on his leg just below his knee. “Edward, what happened?” I cried, falling to my knees in front of him to look at it closer.

“Bells, honey, we just had sex, that’s what happened,” he chuckled, running the towel over his head to dry his hair. “Well, I guess we took a shower too, but, as a result, while I really appreciate the offer, I really don’t think I could take oral sex right now. Maybe when we get back from the hospital? I might be up for it then.” He continued to snigger at his own joke.

I just smacked his uninjured leg. “Edward, you have a huge bruise on your leg,” I informed him, reaching out tentatively to touch it, wanting to see how bad it was.

“Hmm, that must be why my leg hurts,” he postulated, looking down and twisting his leg around so he could get a better look. Then he just stopped moving. “Then again,” he crooned, placing his leg up on my shoulder, and I could see his penis was twitching, attempting to rise, “maybe we won’t have to wait until after the hospital, although you might have to help it a little.”

Rolling my eyes I pushed his leg off of me and stood back up to dry myself off. “I think you can wait until after you see your friend.”

“True,” he agreed as he took my towel from me so he could help me dry off, “but I don’t think the hospital staff would appreciate it if you performed sex acts on me in his room.”

“You’re feeling better,” I muttered as I took my towel back and stepped out of the shower, quickly leaving the room before I gave in to his wishes. Even as sweet as he was sometimes he still acted very much like a boy.

His playful mood left him when we walked into the hospital, looking for Mike. I knew from experience that head wounds bled a lot, but there had been so much blood on Edward’s shirt that I really wondered how much he had lost. Also, he had been stepped on, how bad was the concussion, for I knew he had to have one.

As soon as Edward found out what room he was in he was dragging me down the hall, anxious to check on his friend. When we got there, Mike was asleep, an oxygen line in his nose, oxygen sensor on his finger, blood-pressure cuff on his arm, and an IV in his other arm. Edward looked at everything and relaxed. “His pressure is fine and he’s breathing normally. His heart rate looks good, a little slow for a dog, but…” Quiet laughter came from the bed, telling us Mike was awake.

“Stupid pressure cuff wakes me every fifteen minutes,” he grumbled as he opened his eyes, smiling at us. One eye was bruised, a result of the kick, I’m sure, and when he opened it I could see that it was almost blood-red.

“Oh, Mike,” I cried, going over to take his hand. “How are you doing?”

“Well, other than looking like hell, I feel great,” he said with a wasted smile, squeezing my hand in return. “Whatever painkiller they’re giving me is really making me loopy.”

“You sure that’s the painkiller man?” Edward teased. Sitting opposite me on Mike’s bed he took his wrist and I could tell he was feeling his pulse. “Seriously, have the docs talked to you yet? Is there any permanent damage?”

“Yes, and no. Yes, I’ve talked to them; no, they don’t think there’s any permanent damage.” His shoulders shook with laughter again. “Course, how would you be able to tell?”

“Oh, man, you stole my line,” Edward complained, obviously finished with Mike’s pulse and now looking at his eye.

“Yes, Edward, I can see out of it just fine,” Mike answered our unasked question. “They checked that, too.” He adjusted himself on the bed a bit and gave both our hands a squeeze. “So, you gonna tell me what happened? Gotta admit I don’t remember much.”

“Do you remember coming over to relieve Tyler?” Edward asked, getting a nod from Mike. “Well, Tyler didn’t see you, and when you smacked him on the back it startled him, and he dropped the gate right on the old bull’s hindquarters.”

Mike’s face looked confused. “But the bull kicking shouldn’t have been a problem.”

“No, it shouldn’t have, but he got the main support, which I guess was rotting, because it broke. A piece of it hit him in the hindquarters, which just got him madder, and he really started to buck. Tyler managed to jump back and away, but still got kicked in the knee. When the fence fell, it took you with it, and the bull took off over it, and stepped on your head, hard.”

“How did you get kicked?” I asked Edward, remembering the bruise I saw on his shin.

He shrugged. “Must have been when I tried to get him to run the other direction, it worked, but he barely clipped me.”

“So you, barely, and Tyler worse,” Mike mulled over, “was anyone else hurt?”

“I think the bull got a cut on his leg, and some of the cattle got cuts when they jumped on each other, trying to stampeded, but that’s all I know about.”

Just then a nurse walked in to check Mike’s vitals. Turning to us she gave an apologetic smile. “I’m sorry, but he needs to rest, since we’ll be waking him up all night long. I’m going to have to ask you to come back tomorrow.”

We agreed and stood up, wishing Mike well and a speedy recovery while promising to visit him the next day. His eyelids were already dropping as he waved us away.

Edward had a smirk on his face the entire way home. Every few minutes he would shoot me a look, complete with a raised eyebrow. The closer we got the more brazen he got, taking my hand and resting it on his leg before beginning to inch it up toward his crotch. While I let him do whatever he wanted with my hand, I just gave him an innocent, questioning look in return, as if I didn’t know what he was asking for. After all, two can play at this game.

It wasn’t until we reached the turnoff for our home that he moved my hand right over his very hard erection. I could feel myself grow wet as he rubbed my hand up and down and started to call my name, almost singing it. “Bella, do you remember what we talked about after the shower? Maybe you can inspect other parts of my body?”

He was such a kid, and I was having the hardest time not laughing. “Whatever do you mean?” I asked, taunting him, daring him to ask for it straight out. “The only thing I recall doing was asking about your leg.” Pulling my fingers from him I wrapped them around him, squeezing gently. “Is there something you wanted me to do with this?” I asked, licking my lips. I then decided I needed to be more careful, because he almost drove off the driveway at that.

“Oh, yes, I most certainly want you to do something with that,” he crooned, barely looking at the road, driving from memory. That was how he almost hit the car parked out front.

“Edward, stop!” I shouted, grabbing my hand away to put them both on the dash to brace myself.

He muttered an expletive as he slammed on the brakes, steering around the little smart car stopped in the middle of the circle that went in front of our house. Coming to a rest just beyond it I looked back and was shocked when I saw my old college roommate, Jessica, step out of the car, a little yorkie dog in her hands, waving at me.

“I just… can’t,” he whispered into my ear.

“I’m so sorry,” I said, pulling from his embrace. “I, I don’t know what came over me,” I stuttered, lowering my head in embarrassment.

“Oh Bella,” he said, sighing. “You’ve just come through a traumatic experience and you’re extremely vulnerable. I can understand how my actions might have given you the wrong impression. I’m totally to blame here and it should be me apologizing.”

Shaking my head vehemently, I reached for him. Edward flinched slightly at my touch and I quickly withdrew my hand.

Oh god, what the hell have I done?