August 12, 2010

True to his word, he stayed for another fifteen minutes, writing stuff on charts, monitoring my contraction printout. We talked a little, but not much; Tanya was there and I was, well, pregnant and sort of naked underneath the hospital garb. The whole thing was a little more than awkward.

But there was this pull. He would walk around the room and I would try not to stare, but I felt his presence, wherever he would be in the room. Alice came back in after about five minutes and sat down in the chair next to me to hold my hand. It was her turn to be amazed at the size and intensity of the contractions that, thanks to Dr. Cullen, I felt none of.

“You really can’t feel that?” she asked as each pulse of the graph passed forward a second and the line of the bell curve stretched higher and higher and took longer and longer to start coming back down. I was definitely in the third stage of labor, the beginning of the end, as the contractions were coming closer together.

I could feel Dr. Cullen’s eyes on me, waiting for my answer. I looked at him and he looked…anxious. It was as if he was concerned that I might be in pain. Well, more concerned than any other doctor would be, at least this is what I told myself.

“Actually, I don’t feel any pain per se, but I do feel pressure, I can feel that it is happening, that my body is tightening up, squeezing, but there isn’t any more of that vomiting pain, thank God.” He looked relieved.

“Well, I guess that means I can leave,” he said, looking at me with a strange face. I smiled.

“Thank you,” I said. He gathered his things and I grasped at the last straw, “You should come back when it’s all over, see your handiwork.”

He smiled at me again and one side of his mouth went up more than the other. Contraction? What contraction? Thank God it wasn’t my heartbeat we were monitoring on the machine just then, I bet mine was a little like galloping horses too.

“Maybe I will,” he said. “Good luck, Bella,” and he left.

Just then the cuff on my arm started squeezing, to take my blood pressure.

Tanya just smiled as she noted my numbers, “your blood pressure went up just a little. Don’t worry, he does that to all the girls.”

Alice just snorted, “He was definitely hot, I thought they only had doctors like that on TV! Hey, is he married?” she asked Tanya.

“Not as far as I know,” Tanya said. “My husband and he play golf together some, and he’s a really nice guy. I’ve never seen him act like that around anyone.”

“Bella! Did you hear that? You could totally go for him!” Alice was my number one cheerleader. She never liked Mike, it turns out with good reason and she was constantly trying to find me someone.

“Yeah, right, because a puking, pregnant, exhausted and swollen me is the epitome of sexy right now. Oh yeah, and let’s not forget that he is now well-acquainted with my ass crack and oh, by the way, will soon have a baby too! If that’s not gonna make him want me, I don’t know what will!”

Tanya and Alice laughed at my little rant. Laughed! I just rolled my eyes. He has definitely seen me at a low point. It reminded me of dating in high school and college, that first time that I had to wear a bathing suit in front of the guy I happened to like at the time. Not that I didn’t have a decent body, but I never had the self-confidence to parade around half-naked. I always wanted to get through that part of the relationship as soon as possible. If the guy still wanted to be with me after that, life was good.

Tanya was reading my printouts again and said, “I’m gonna check you right now, your contractions are very close and very strong.”

Alice turned around as Tanya did her thing.

“Yep, you are at ten centimeters and fully thinned out, are you ready to have this baby?” she asked, a smile on her face.

“Now?” I choked out. Panic and excitement leaking out, I reached out for Alice and she held my hand.

“It’s gonna be great, sweetie. You are going to be fine, I’m here.” Her eyes were shining and she brushed the hair out of my eyes. “I’m going to go see if Jasper is here yet and tell him what’s going on, I’ll be right back.”

Tanya had just called Dr. Uley to tell her that I was ready, spending the next few minutes breaking down the bed as two more nurses came in to help. Dr. Uley came in, her long, dark shiny hair pulled back into a ponytail. She was dressed in scrubs and gave me a brilliant smile, calming my nerves immediately. Alice danced back in, unable to control her enthusiasm and excitement.

“We’re gonna have a baby! Jasper’s here, and mom and dad called. Emmett and Rosalie are on their way,” she said and I was thrilled. Emmett was Alice’s older brother, and so by extension, my older brother. Rosalie was his wife and one of the reasons I was willing to do this baby thing on my own, she and Emmett had twins and she was so good with them. I knew she would be there to help me and so I wasn’t quite as scared as I could have been.

Within minutes I was surrounded by nurses, Alice was up by my head and Dr. Uley ‘down there.‘ I had eschewed the offer of the mirror; I got sort of queasy at the sight of blood and didn’t figure they needed me passing out in the middle of all of this.

Pushing took a good hour or more, I lost track, and more than a few times I thanked my lucky stars for Dr. Cullen because towards the end, the epidural had started to wear off and I was feeling some of the pain. He had protected me from the worst of it though and I was so intensely grateful, I wasn’t sure I would ever be able to think of him as less than a god.

“Hang on, I need to clean out the nose and mouth,” Dr. Uley said after my most recent pus, the baby had crowned. “Okay, give me one more good one,“ she said.

“Ugh, I felt that,” I panted. Tanya had given Alice a washcloth to wipe my face because I was sweating.

“That was the shoulder, keep pushing,” she encouraged.

I did as she said and just like that, I felt my child leave my body. I braced for the cry and when I heard the whimper, my heart filled with a well-spring of love I never knew could be possible. Where had it come from? It was like my heart had doubled in size.

“It’s a girl!” Dr. Uley said triumphantly.

Alice and I were both crying when she wrapped her in a blanket, wiping off the baby’s face and handed her to me. Dr. Uley offered the scissors to Alice to cut the umbilical cord, and Alice looked at me, questioning.

“Absolutely, ‘Aunt Alice!’ Cut it!” I grinned at her and she started crying again.

~

Mary Renée Swan lay next to me on the hospital bed, sleeping quietly, completely swaddled and wrapped like a football. I had named her after Alice and my mother and I stared at her, watching her little expressions and twitches. Jasper had fulfilled his end of the bargain and filled the room with flowers. Everyone had gone home with promises to come in the morning and bring me a real cup of coffee and something yummy to eat. The contraband, a celebratory beer, had already been smuggled in along with take out sushi from my favorite place, and we had all eaten a feast in honor of my baby.

My baby. My little girl.

I stared at her, her tiny nose, her little mouth, the way her eyes formed half moons on her cheeks. Every now and then she would twitch again and I was fascinated. The lights were dim and the television was on, a soft murmur in the background. I almost didn’t hear the quiet knock on the door. The nurse would come in every so often to monitor my blood pressure and ‘check my bottom’ as they called it, so I didn’t bother to say anything or even look up as I heard the door open.

“Hey,” he said quietly. “I came to check on my favorite patient, or patients, I should say. Congratulations.”

It was Dr. Cullen. I’m sure if the nurse had come to check me then, my blood pressure would be off the charts. I could feel my heartbeat speed up and wondered what it was about him that caused this reaction in me.

“Thanks,” I managed to whisper out. He stood awkwardly by the bed, as if he wasn’t sure why he was here either. I decided to be generous, because I really was touched that he came back. Plus, I really wanted to see him again.

“Wanna see her?” I asked.

“I saw on your chart that you’d had a girl, what’s her name?” he asked.

He was checking up on me. That made me feel all middle-school girly squishy inside.

“Mary Renée,” I answered. “Mary is Alice’s first name and Renée was my mother’s name.”

“Was?” he asked.

“Yes, she and my father, Charlie were killed in a car accident a few years ago when I was in Undergrad,” I explained. It wasn’t as hard to talk about now, but I still felt the familiar ache when I thought about them, how they’d never meet their granddaughter.

“So…you are on your own?” he asked hesitantly.

“Yes…well, no, I have Alice and Emmett and their parents who are like my parents, and Jasper and Rosalie, Alice’s fiancée and Emmett’s wife.” I considered myself to be luckier than most.

“What about…” he started, but reddened a little.

“Her father?” I finished and he nodded. I sighed, audibly. “Well, Mike wasn’t ready for this, and I wasn’t ready for his solution to the, quote, ‘problem’, so I cut ties with him. Released him of all obligations.” I wasn’t really sure why I was telling him all this, but I went on, I needed him to understand. “When my parents died, Alice’s parents handled everything, they’re lawyers,” I explained. “In addition to life insurance, there is a pretty hefty lawsuit against the trucking company that caused the accident. The driver was drunk and they knew it, so you can imagine…”

Dr. Cullen let out a slow whistle. “I’m sorry for asking so many personal questions,” he said. “I just feel…protective of you for some reason. It makes me feel good knowing you are going to be okay.”

I smiled, “Dr. Cullen…” but he cut me off.

“Edward.”

“Edward,” his name sounded so good in my mouth. “I’ll be fine, I’m better off than most people in my situation, believe me.”

“I know, but it still makes me want to go kick, what was his name? Mike….Mike’s ass.”

I laughed quietly, momentarily distracted by the thought of Edward running to my rescue. Those kind of thoughts weren’t going to get me anywhere. I needed to rely on myself.

“Meh,” I said. “He doesn’t know what he’s missing,” I said, looking at Mary.

“He sure doesn’t,” Edward said, and I looked up to see him staring at me instead of the baby.

I was lost in his gaze for a second, wondering what it was that made me feel so connected to this man. Just then, Mary’s face crumpled and we both looked down to watch her wake up with a tiny cry.

I sat up, and started adjusting the automatic bed. I picked her up to soothe her, and started cooing, “Are you hungry, my love?”

“Can I come back to see you tomorrow?” he asked, “it’s getting late and I should let you take care of her, and yourself,” he added.

“I’d like that,” I said, getting my pillow ready like the nurse taught me so that I could try and nurse her again.

“Tomorrow then, Bella, try and get some sleep,” he said as he quietly left us.

I watched him fuss with it, making sure it was smoke-able I guess. He had on an Adidas hoodie and faded jeans. He looked so good. The fact that he was all laid back and casual made him even more appealing to me. Alice and I went to school with a load of over styled pretty boys; it was refreshing – and terribly sexy – to be around a guy who was sexy just by being.

But then I caught myself. I was totally staring. For a second I worried he was more of a playboy than I’d anticipated, that his sweet, silly over-the-phone self was something of an act. But wouldn’t Alice have seen that? Wouldn’t she know?

She’d literally thrown me at him.

He elbowed me lightly, handing over the spliff as he exhaled.

“You… smoke, right?”

Nodding, I accepting his offering. Now it was his turn to watch me, so I hoped the smoke camouflaged my flushed cheeks. Ah well, I could always blame the cold outside. Or the heat inside.

And then it was just him and me, no props.

I rubbed my hands down the thighs of my jeans. “So. We meet.”

“We meet,” he echoed, looking at my ankle. “What happened? Why are you on crutches?”

“It’s kind of stupid… I was just walking down the sidewalk back home and I misstepped,” I explained. “Very lame.”

He snorted and I looked at him.

“Lame?” he asked, grinning.

“Yeah… lame,” I said, wondering where he was going with it.

“Lame. You can’t walk.”

I rolled my eyes at the awful pun. He was way too cute; it was dangerous. “Ha ha.”

“Aw, come on. It was funny,” he teased, elbowing me again. Only this time he stayed pressed against me, the warmth from his body transferring through the fabric of our clothing.

It made my stomach flip flop. Everything else faded into the background.

“Are you having fun with Alice?” Edward asked.

I nodded, appreciating his effort to make conversation. Not that we were a little stoney, it might be difficult to converse properly. Then again, it might be easier. I eyed him surreptitiously, wondering what he was thinking, and more specifically, what he thought of me.

“I mean, I’ve only been here a few hours, but everyone’s been really nice so far,” I said, careful not to move too much. I didn’t want him to straighten up.

“Yeah, they’re cool,” he agreed, glancing at me. Our eyes met for a second and we both looked away. My heart panged.

An awkward moment passed. He cleared his throat. “It kinda sucks your ankle is messed up.”

“Tell me about it.”

“I think we’re going ice skating tomorrow.”

This time, my heart sank. “Oh. Well, I don’t know how to skate anyway.”

He looked at me incredulously, moving away a little. Darn.

“You can’t skate?”

I shook my head. “I grew up in Phoenix. It’s like, the desert.”

“I guess,” he said, still looking surprised. “Doesn’t matter; I’ll sit it out with you.”

“No,” I laughed. “You should go…”

“It’s ice skating. I’ve gone a million times,” he said, shrugging. “Besides what kind of guy would I be if I left you by yourself?”

I bit back a smile, but I knew the blush betrayed my amusement. “I don’t know; what kind of guy are you?”

He leaned his head back, his eyes trained on me still. “What kind of girl are you?”

The grin broke through. I laid my head back, mirroring his pose.

“No, wait – I saw your Facebook. Let me guess. You’re Greek.”

“No way,” I said. “Pledging’s not for me.”

“Cheerleader?”

“Do I look peppy or something to you?” I laughed.

“Maybe it’s the ponytail,” he said.

Without another thought I loosened it, letting my hair fall down over my shoulders.

His eyes followed the movement. He touched my hair, gently twisting it between his fingertips.

This flirting was going to be the death of me.

“Maybe you’re an academic,” he murmured, staring at me. “I bet you have glasses.”

“I do. I’m wearing contacts.”

His hand fell away. “That I’d like to see.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know. I just… want to.”

I was about to switch the conversation to him when a willowy brunette wandered over to say hi to Alice, who was sitting on the carpet right near my feet.

Al tugged my pant leg.”Bella.”

“Yeah?”

“Have you met Angie yet? She’s graduating this year.”

Aha. Angie. I evaluated her as we introduced ourselves, wondering if she and Edward wee hooking up or if there were just friends. It couldn’t that serious if she was still a senior,

right? Would he be acting all coy and flirtatious with me if they were dating? Some guys were like that.

“You gotta let me know when it’s time to go,” Edward said out of nowhere. “Cuz I’m not going to remember.”

Angie rolled her eyes. “Okay, okay.”

“I’m just saying. Mom got all pissed last time cuz you were past curfew. I’m not dealing with that crap again.”

“I said okay. She said I could stay out until twelve thirty tonight anyway.”

“Oh yeah? How come she didn’t tell me that?” Edward said, shifting closer to me again.

But Angie was already walking away.

“So she’s your sister?”

“Step sister. Since we were little though, so yeah. She’s my sister.”

Suddenly I liked Angie.

–

Edward and I chatted and chatted. He was easy to talk to, and I didn’t think it was the weed. I genuinely enjoyed his company and he seemed to enjoy mine. And then on course there was the undercurrent of attraction running between us. I no longer worried that it was one-sided; I saw the way he looked at me.

Angie came back, pulling a lanky boy along with her. “Ben said he’ll drive me.”

“I don’t think so,” Edward said, sitting up.

“Aw, come on,” she cried, pushing her glasses up. “He’s fine. He doesn’t even drink, unlike some people…”

For some reason that made me laugh a little.

“Oh, you think that’s funny, huh?” Edward accused, poking me in the side.

“A little,” I admitted.

He grunted, standing up. I took the moment to ogle him undetected, really liking how his clothes fell, how tall he was.

Why the hell weren’t there boys like this back at Hoftsra?

And if there were, where were they hiding?

“Bella, I need to take Angie home. Do you want to come for the ride?”

Surprised, I hesitated and looked down at Alice, who of course was listening.

“Yeah go ahead, babe. They live, like, ten minutes away.”

“Are you sure?” I asked, looking up at Edward. “Maybe I should just stay; I can hardly move in this thing.”

He gazed down at me, his lip twitching like he wanted to smile.

“What?”

“I’ll give you a piggy back ride.”

“No!” I gasped.

“Yeah. Come on.” he started yanking me up,

“Edward, I’m just gonna go with Ben,” Angie called, heading toward the door.

“No!” he called back. “Don’t do it, Ben. I’ll kill ya.” Then he nodded toward me and resumed his tugging.

“Go on, Bella,” Alice urged.

Careful to keep my weight on the good foot, I let Edward haul me up. Before I could figure out how he was going to get me on his back he went ahead and did it.

“You can come for the ride too, Ben,” he said as we made our way to the front door.

If I was at all heavy to him, he didn’t show it. He eased me into the front seat of his car, giving Angie and Ben the backseat.