August 25, 2010

A woman dances alone in quiet room. She’s merry, unconcerned about the world around her. Each fluid movement interchanges with static poses. As her arms bend, her feet are planted. She kicks and lightly hops forward while her arms are firmly arched. She’s a working-class octopus—a tugboat against the current—with each long, corporeal segment swaying in perfect symmetry.

If someone were to glace from across the room, they’d notice three conventional rows of dilapidated desks—and homework. Hard sunlight peppers the floor; it’s ivory contrast creates an obscurity. Maybe if a tree were outside, these bright speckles of happy times would play random games along a hollow wooden floor. Instead, the spots are frozen as moon rocks.

Suddenly, she’s aware of chalk—it’s a dry aroma, its singe seeming to dehydrate the moisture from her lungs. Smart is the smell; irksome is her reaction. “Tickle, tickle—tickle, tickle,” it goes, and she attends to its stoic sensibilities.

First, her cheeks and brow squeeze together in tolerance. Then as she opens her eyes, her smile goes cold—someone is at the door. Urgency peeps in through a small glass-pane. “I’m sorry, my dear,” he says.

In agony, she runs out the door. A clumsy trip on the exit stairs is no mere worry. Her graceful stride is discordant with the relentless thrust of dense thighs. All she seeks is nature’s freedom—but an exodus is the gentle grass and the overwhelming smells of pine. Beams of light, beams of tears—it makes no difference! Past the people, over the obstacles, on and on, forever and ever—she’ll run to place where nobody knows her name. A new life has begun.

He was competitive and spoiled. If he didn’t get what he wanted, he would resort to some sort of passive-aggressive game-playing and I loathed him for it.

Don’t get me wrong. Sometimes he was decent but most times he just couldn’t seem to keep that one-up-manship in his pants and I wanted to smack him. He was all about self-promotion and kissing ass and I was just about to walk out of the fucking meeting if he didn’t stop ramming his nose up the VP’s backside.

To my intense delight, my VP was a wise man and had caught on to Edward “I’m God’s gift to the business world” Cullen’s MO and he called him out on it. He remanded Edward to the front of the room for a brief Q & A about the newest service line, which coincidentally, was my newest service line.

I rubbed my hands together under the table, feeling spitefully gleeful.

Edward was clueless about the service line. He hadn’t contributed in the committee meetings and he hadn’t done any of the background prep or anything else to arm him with enough information to give a presentation on the subject. I wrote the words “ha/ha” on my notepad and then scribbled them out before anyone could see.

The questions started coming and Edward was able to skate over the veneer of the service line information, but when the VP insisted that he outline the venture on the whiteboard, Edward froze like a kid in seventh grade math class. He stood there with the dry-erase marker poised over the board and his little speech dried up.

I enjoyed his squirming for a split-second and then started feeling like the biggest bitch in the world when people’s eyes drifted toward me. Everyone knew that I was the expert on the project.

And so, being the good Girl Scout that I am, I stood up and walked to the front of the room to narrate Edward’s outline. He gave me a nervous look when I came up and I winked at him to let him know that I had enough professional business acumen to not burn a collegial bridge right in front of a boardroom packed with people.

As I began explaining, Edward began writing, which was exactly what I hoped he would do. In this way, we looked like the team we were supposed to be and not some prig-headed sub-committee without a clue. When I was finished with the overview, we received a smattering of applause as we both made our way back our seats.

I didn’t look at Edward Cullen. I didn’t want to see him smugly accepting the praise when he should’ve been walking out of the room with his tail between his legs.

I left the meeting, went to my office and closed up shop. As I was entering the elevator, Edward Cullen slipped on with me and we were alone in the enclosed space.

I practically moaned my dismay out loud.

I was avoiding his gaze, trying to look at my iPhone but not having much luck, and then he spoke.

“Thanks for what you did today Bella,” he said.

Without looking at him I said, “No big deal.”

“You really helped me out and I thought that it was really nice of you,” he continued.

Weirdly, his voice sounded nice for once. I looked over at him. His eyes were open and they looked soft. He was vulnerable and I couldn’t recall seeing him ever look that way before. He actually looked nice. More than nice, he looked positively gorgeous. Don’t get me wrong. Edward Cullen was nice-looking in a predatory use-’em and lose-’em sort of way normally, but right now with the added softness in his features, I was agog.

I looked away quickly and said again, “Not a problem.”

This time I was shocked when his fingers lifted my chin to meet his eyes. He was really close to me and he was still looking at me in that vulnerable and very appealing way.

“Bella,” he said. “I know I’m an ass to you normally but I need you to know that what you did… You didn’t have to and… I really don’t know how to say thank you enough.”

“Edward,” I said, “Really, it’s okay. You would’ve done the same for me.”

“That’s it Bella,” he said, almost pleading. “I wouldn’t have and I hate myself for that. You deserve better.”

I regarded him for a moment and his display of vulnerability was almost painful to witness.

“Edward,” I said, wrapping my hand around his forearm and trying to get his fingers away from my body. “Really…I…It’s no problem.”

We hit the garage level and the elevator came to a stop.

“Thank you Bella,” he said almost reverently. He bent and pressed his lips to mine and then quickly exited the elevator.

I was apparently standing there dumbstruck because I was startled out of my daze with the elevator doors closing. I stuck my hand between them and swiftly exited.

“Edward!” I hollered after his retreating form. I ran to catch up with him.

“Yeah?” he said. He looked decidedly embarrassed.

“What was that?” I demanded. My hands were on my hips.

“A thank you?” he ventured.

“That was a kiss Edward. A kiss that wasn’t invited,” I said sternly. We were standing and facing each other then, and my breathing was uneven after running.

“Bella,” he started, “I apologize. I don’t know what came over me. Maybe I kissed you because you bailed me out…Maybe I kissed you because you look so pretty when you’re mad…Maybe I kissed you because I hoped you might kiss me back. In any case, I’m sorry if it offended you.”

I stood there, staring at him like he’d suddenly sprouted a third ear in the middle of his forehead.

“You what?” I asked. “You think I’m pretty? You wanted me to kiss back?”

“Yes Bella, you’re…” he couldn’t get much further because I was sputtering in amazed rage.

“What the hell Cullen?!” I was shouting now. “You treat me like crap! Like you want to crush me on your way to the top and then you kiss me in the elevator? I don’t get it!”

I started shaking my head and turned to head toward my car. As I was throwing my bag in, he grabbed me and whipped me around. He was ever so close to me again and my scalp prickled.

“Bella I’m sorry,” he pleaded. “I got carried away. I guess I’ve been carrying this torch around for you and it just sort of came out.”

“What are you trying to say Cullen – you’ve got a crush on me?” I asked incredulously.

“Yes…I guess you could say that,” he admitted sheepishly. “You’re just so smart and pretty and intimidating.”

“What?” I said. My head was literally spinning at a million miles per hour. I couldn’t even speak any more. Here he was, this gorgeous arrogant prick of a coworker, bowling me over with his secret crush.

“I have no idea what do with that information,” I said honestly. “No frickin’ clue.”

“You don’t have to do anything with it,” he said sadly. “Again, thanks for helping me and sorry if I invaded your space.”

He turned to walk away, looking wrecked by rejection. My rejection. The damn Girl Scout perked up again.

“Edward,” I said. “Let’s just forget this happened, okay?” This time I was the one to grab and my fingers dug into his coat sleeve to stop his departure.

“Yeah, sounds good,” he said in a low voice.

“Only, try not to be such an arrogant ass to me any more okay?” I said as a parting shot. I smiled, hoping to soften the blow.

His return smile was sad and I wanted to comfort him. I smoothed my hand down his arm before ceasing contact and his smile brightened considerably.

“Thanks Bella,” he said. “I’ll try not to be such an ass.”

His smile was mega-wattage now and I needed to escape before we got into some sort of mutual admiration-a-thon.

“See you tomorrow,” I said.

“Yup,” he said. “Tomorrow.”

I turned and we both walked toward our cars. I didn’t think before I peeked around to see if he was at his car. I didn’t even know what he drove. As I looked, I caught him looking at me and he waved a little.

I waved back and found a little smile playing around my mouth. I squelched it immediately. No good could possibly come of this.

Are you going to Forks, Washington?
Vampires, werewolves, perhaps a witch.
Remember when we weren’t all insane?
All so we can get a leg hitch.

Bella’s blood calls to Edward’s bloodlust (In a biology class in a small high school)
Vampires, werewolves, perhaps a witch (Rescuing her from a van on the ice)
They fall in love in a meadow in bloom (He kisses her and it makes her blood boil)
All so we can get a leg hitch.

He takes her to a baseball game (Deep in the mountains, nomads come to play)
Vampires, werewolves, perhaps a witch. (James chooses to play a different game)
Alice takes Bella to safety in Phoenix (With Jasper to keep her emotions in check)
All so we can get a leg hitch.

To save her mother she goes to the hunter (It’s a trick but she doesn’t know that)
Vampires, werewolves, perhaps a witch (He breaks her leg and quite a few ribs)
Edward takes Bella to prom after she heals (Then refuses to change her into a vampire)
All so we can get a leg hitch.

Are you going to Forks, Washington?
Vampires, werewolves, perhaps a witch.
Remember when we weren’t all insane?
All so we can get a leg hitch.

I bit my lip, smiling at the words glowing back at me in the darkness.

- I would’ve kissed you today.

Holding my breath, I pressed send, wondering what he’d think of that. I could just imagine his amusement.

The next day was Saturday. Honestly I was surprised he was asking me this now; if anything, I’d have expected him to ask me right before I left, kind of pulling a sly little move. But no: he was just laying it out there, putting the ball in my court.

He was so confident. Not quite cocky, just confident. I dug it.

Sure enough, the phone vibrated almost right away.

- You need to come out asap, crutches be damned.

Muffling a laugh, I quickly responded.

- Not trying for a break here. Sprain is bad enough.

- Fine fine. Can’t say I didn’t try.

- Will I see you tmrw?

- Later on. have to run errands for my mom

I sighed inwardly, trying not to let disappointment sully my mood. I was here for Alice, after all, and to see her hometown – not just to run around with Edward.

As fun as that sounded.

- Hello?

Yawning, I typed back.

- I’m here. Tired. Hope to see you tmrw tho.

- You will

- Ok. Good night.

- Night, Bella.

Tucking my phone underneath my pillow, I curled on to my side and fell asleep.

–

Alice had somehow woken before me and slipped out.

I sat up, yawning and blinking in the soft morning light as I swung my legs over the side of the bed.

She’d jotted a note to me on the whiteboard hanging off the back of her door.

- Jogging w/ Mom. See you in a bit.

Grimacing, I hobbled out into the hallway and to the bathroom. Only Alice would choose to do strenuous exercise after staying up late the night before.

After managing a shower, I combed my hair into a ponytail and returned to Alice’s bedroom. She’d come back while I was in the bathroom and was perched on her bed, one leg dangling off the side.

“How was the run?” I asked, leaning down carefully to grab my duffel bag.

“Good. I love jogging when it’s cold out.”

“Apparently,” I laughed, collapsing on to the bed so I could get dressed. “Not me. I like sleeping when it’s cold.”

“Apparently,” Alice teased back, poking me.

We chatted awhile about school and the classes we’d chosen.

“So,” she said, and I could just feel a subject change coming, “what’s up with Edward? You like him, huh?”

Shrugging, I ducked my head. “Yeah. Like, probably more than I should.”

“Why do you say that?” Alice asked.

“Because. We live so far apart. I knew that when I got into this, I don’t know why I’m even trying to explain…”

“And what’s “this” exactly, anyway?” She made air quotes.

“You’re seriously asking me to define my feelings for Edward?” I snorted. “What about you and Jasper?”

“We have… an arrangement,” she said vaguely.

“What, hang out when you’re both home and see other people when you’re on campus?”

She turned a little ed. “Basically.”’

I didn’t think that was too wise a plan but I kept the thought to myself.

–

“Later” turned out to be not that late at all.

Edward, Emmett and Jasper picked Alice and me up around two.

We drove to some park. It was freezing out, but really pretty, especially bits of with melting snow all over.

Edward and I sat back, watching the others make fools of themselves.

“You want to go for a walk? There are some pretty trails around,” he said.

“Sure.”

We walked slowly around, making quiet small talk. I couldn’t remember the last time I simply talked with a guy for so long. From the moment we’d met to the present, it had been a near constant exchange of information, flirting and non-touching that felt like touching.

Edward paused, then stepped even closer to me, backing me against a tree. The cool air made our breaths come out in puffs.

“So… you gonna?” he asked, his eyes lingering on my mouth.

I nodded, leaning more fully against the tree before letting go of my crutches.

“Or I could,” he murmured, pressing closer. For the first time the front of me was in contact with the front of him. I shoved my shaky hands into the pockets of his jacket, staring up into his amazing green eyes.

He brushed his lips against mine. He pressed them, then opened them.

I kissed him back, my heart grateful and pounding.

He grabbed my hips and pushed me back so I was held against the tree. I sort of moaned into his mouth, grasping his shoulders.

He nudged my face to the side and kissed all down my neck before returning to my mouth, his tongue slide and warm and delicious with mine.

Kisses became kissing.

Edward finally backed away, adjusting his pants. “You’re gonna be the death of me,” he whispered, nibbling my earlobe.