September 3, 2010

Of course I rolled my eyes and went on and on about what my life would be like.

At eighteen, I would graduate from high school and go to college.

At twenty-two, I would graduate from college and get a job.

By age twenty-five, I would have a job I loved while planning my wedding.

By age thirty, I’d have my first child with the man I planned the wedding with.

My plan was solid, but the answers you had at twelve, don’t always translate to fact at twenty-seven.

I downed another cosmo while I stared at the papers before me. The papers that ruined my plan.

At eighteen I did graduate from college and by twenty-two I had my B.A. in English. I’d met Mike in college, looking back, the signs were there I just chose to ignore them. We got married a week before my twenty-sixth birthday.

It took me twenty-five years to get where I wanted to be, but only a year and a half for it to crumble.

Mike and I’s relationship was average. Nothing amazing, but it was nice. He treated me well, we dated, shared a few mutual friends, smiles, laughed, the sex was bland, but it was comfortable…he was comfortable.

Nothing could prepare me for the knock on the door only three months ago.

I’d been home grading papers for the high school class I taught. Mike was out of town on a business trip for the weekend. I had some light music on and a glass of wine, armed with my red pen. When the door sounded, I shook myself out of my teacher’s trance and answered.

“Can I help you?” I asked, I didn’t recognize the girl standing before me.
“Um…yeah, may I come in?” She stuttered, continually looked down, and fidgeted the entire time.
“I’m sorry, but I’m not letting a stranger into my house,” I answered. She seemed nice, albeit crazy, but nice. Not nice enough to let in.
“I know your husband, Mike…Mike Newton,” she blurted.
I stepped away from the door and allowed her entrance. We sat down in the living room and I prompted her to speak.
“First I just want to say I’m sorry, I don’t know exactly how to say this, and everything is so wrong. Your husband has been having an affair,” she almost whispered. My eyebrows shot up in disbelieve. Sure, Mike and I were sorta boring, but he wouldn’t cheat. “I didn’t know he was married. I’m so sorry. If Mike knew I was here, he’d probably kill me. We met a few months ago and started talking and one thing lead to another and ‘m sure you don’t want the details. Anyways, I didn’t find out he was married until two weeks ago. The thing is…well, I’m pregnant. And it’s his. And I told him, but he told me to get out, because of you, and you could never know, and I’m so sorry, I knew he wasn’t going to tell you, but I thought you should know. I’d want to know. I am going to keep this baby, but I don’t want him, but I just though….” and she rambled and rambled and rambled until she ran out of breathe as my mind starting spinning.
This girl, who I didn’t know, was telling me my husband had not only slept with another woman, but got her pregnant.

The next day when Mike came home I immediately confronted him.

“Bella?” He called as he walked through the door, “Where are you?”
I sat unmoving in the chair I had the night before, I’d gotten absolutely no sleep the night before, I looked like a wreck, but I didn’t care. I needed answers, because as much as I wanted to believe she was lying, I knew she wasn’t.
When he saw me his eyes widened immediately taking account of my appearance.
“I met someone yesterday, she came to the house, she said she was pregnant…and it’s yours.”
That was all I could get out, before Mike started going on and on about how she was a liar, he wasn’t sleeping around, how could I ever believe a stranger telling me that, and on and on he went.
“Ya know,” I told myself, “I didn’t even catch her name.”
Without missing a beat Mike immediately answered, “Jessica.”
It took him only a moment to realize he had given himself up, no more words were needed.

Despite his protests, I packed a bag.

The next weekend, I packaged everything I owned.

The week after that, I had a new address.

“Excuse me, is this seat taken?” a gentleman’s voice broke my out of my trance of the past.

“No,” I replied, keeping my eyes down, DISSOLUTION OF MARRIAGE still staring me straight in my eyes.

My plan had failed me. Even now, looking back, I knew it would when I accepted Mike’s proposal, and again when I said “I do”.

“Wanna talk about it?” I hear the voice again, but looked up this time. I caught sight of his emerald eyes, before taking into account his bronze hair and sculpted face.

“No,” I replied, looking away again.

“I’m Edward, and you’re…” he pried.

“Bella.”

“You from around here?” I rolled my eyes.

“A pick up line, really?” I questioned, a hint of sarcasm to my voice.

“It wasn’t a pick-up line. I’m genuinely curious, are you from around here?” I could see the hurt in his eyes when I looked up.

“Um yeah, I guess.”

“That doesn’t sound that strong, what keeps you here?” He pressed.

“Nothing…not anymore,” And that was the truth. My dad had passed, my mom now lived in California, Mike was now living with Jessica, and with all the cuts because of the economy my contract wasn’t renewed. “What about you? I know you’re not from here…”

“Just passing through.” He answered and I was curious.

“Of all the places in the world you could pass through, you chose Forks?”

“Forks chose me, I didn’t choose it,” he spoke around sips of his scotch.

“Um…” what else was there to say? Out of the corner of my eye I saw him reach into his pocked, pull out a heart shaped piece of paper and throw it onto the bar. The heart shaped piece of paper looked like a map, in the center reads “Forks”.

“I reach into a bag, pick out a piece to the puzzle and drive.” He seemed to know my question and answered it before I could utter it myself.

“Hearts?” I started giggling, not at how he picked the places to visit, but the shapes.

“Hearts aren’t always for girls. Besides, it was the only punch big enough that didn’t cut off half the names. Come on, Bella.”

I followed him, although I didn’t know why, I just wanted to follow him. I had a plan and it failed me, so now I just needed to go. I didn’t know where I was going, but I was going somewhere away from the mess of the life I had lived.

“Where do you live?” He asked as he opened his passenger door for me.

I mumbled the address of a hotel I’d been staying at. It was week to week. When I lost my job, I couldn’t afford rent, so I’d liquidated all of my bigger items and had just enough money for the next week. After that, I didn’t know.

When we pulled in to the parking lot he told me to pack up. I did.

After he loaded the two suitcases that were left of my life he pulled out a bag.

“Pick one.” And so I did. I handed it to him without looking at it.

“Get in,” and I knew I was about to do the craziest thing of my life. I was going to get into a car, with a virtual stranger, and drive somewhere. I didn’t know where. I also didn’t know what this meant.

“Have you done this before?” I asked, after we’d started driving.

“Driving? Sure, all the time,” he smirked at me.

“No I mean, pick up a girl in a random city.” Out of the corner of my eye I saw his face go serious.

“No, never.” My anxiety went up a few notched.

“Should I be scared?”

“I’d never hurt you Bella.”

“Okay so…um where are we going?”

“Las Vegas.” And so we did.

He was attending an architectural conference out of state – something for school this time. It was an awesome opportunity, and something he totally needed for his Master’s, but I could deny that I was going to miss him like crazy.

Four long days.

Of course, there had been life before Edward. It’s not like I’d given up my friends. On the contrary, I hung out with the girls all the time, and even Edward’s. They were my friends too.

Edward blew his hair out of his face. “That about does it. Walk me to the door?”

“Of course,” I murmured. I’d wanted to drive him to the airport but his flight was insanely early. There was no way I’d be able to take him and then be back for my own classes.

He hauled me off the bed and into his arms, peppering my face with kisses. “I’m gonna miss you.”

“Me too,” I sighed, sagging against him. Crazy how we’d become such a unit. The end of December had marked our six month anniversary and honestly, it felt like no time had
passed at all. People said you had to work hard to make relationships healthy and long lasting, but things with Edward were kind of easy. He was like my best friend and lover all
rolled into one.

I’d gone through a brief period of worry, wondering if and when our days of bliss were numbered, but that had worn off. The honeymoon period had mellowed into something really
sweet and really real.

Tightening my grip on Edward, I tiptoed to kiss him. He smiled into our kiss, tickling his tongue against mine.

“Love you,” I said once he’d pulled away.

“Love you,” he echoed, kissing my nose.

He grabbed his bags and I followed him through the condo and outside, down to the car. It was so early the sun had just barely begun to peek over the horizon, bruising the sky with
the deepest and most beautiful colors.

We kissed once more and then he got into his car and drove away.

I turned to go back inside, grateful that our separation was only temporary.

I had a good thing.

–

“That was hilarious,” Alice giggled, still riding high from movie popcorn and the comedy we’d just watched.

“Yeah, it was,” I agreed, linking my arm through hers. It felt good to laugh and be silly.

“Ugh, when is the cold going to go away,” she groaned, snuggling closer.

“I like it,” I said, shrugging, loving how my breath frosted the air.

“Not me. I’m a summa-time girl.”

“I know you are.” I squeezed her arm and we hurried to her car, parked on the edge of the lot.

“You have hot chocolate?” she asked once we were inside, the heat on full blast.

“Of course. I even got you marshmallows.”

Alice squeed, clapping.

“You’re so easy to please,” I snorted.

“Yep. Now call Rose. See if she’s still coming.”

Rose had agreed to sleep over at my place as well, after her mystery date. She wouldn’t tell us who the guy was, only that he was “just her type”. I took that to mean big and buff
but, who knew.

“She already texted. Said she’ll be over later, and that she has a new shot for us to try.”

“Hey guy’s a bartender, right?”

I nodded. “Apparently.”

We chatted all the way back to the condo, and once again I was glad that I’d never put my best friends on the back burner over some guy. Not that Edward was just “some guy”, but
I sincerely believed that one of the reasons our relationship was as balanced as it was, was because we maintained other parts of our lives as well. Together and as individuals.

This didn’t make me miss him any less when he was gone, but I appreciated it.

–

“Bella?”

“What?” I pulled my wool socks on and padded out in my pj’s.

Alice was holding up a tiny paper heart.

“What’s that?” I asked, taking it from her.

“I don’t know… I found it with another one by the bottle opener.”

Frowning, I stepped into the kitchen to examine the other heart. Like its mate, it appeared to have been cut out of an atlas. One had part of the word “Belgium” on it; the other said
“France.”

A warm feeling blossomed inside my heart. I began opening drawers, gasping like a goon each time I found a new heart. Alice caught on quickly and for the next twenty minutes or
so we ran around like little kids, searching room by room.

Drawers, cabinets, closets, under rugs, behind the coffee maker… they were everywhere.

By the time we collapsed on the living room carpet, we had handfuls.

“Edward is,” Alice panted, emptying her hands so the hearts fluttered down, “by far the most romantic guy I’ve ever encountered. I’d hate you both if I didn’t love you so much!”

I nodded quickly, swallowing back the ginormous lump in my throat. “I know…”

She saw the shiny eyes, though. “Awww, babe!”

“No, it’s okay,” I laughed, waving her away. “I’m just really…touched. Overwhelmed. Whatever.”

“I would be too,” she said softly, running her hands through the hearts.

Ireland, Sweden, Madagascar, Italy, Malta, the US Virgin Islands, Puerto Rico, Mexico, Barbados… it went on and on. I sniffled when Hawaii popped up.

I got up and walked to our bedroom, where my phone was still in my purse. There were no new texts (Edward had messaged me earlier to let me know when he’d landed in
Colorado, but that had been hours before.)

“Your hearts make my heart so full it could burst,” I typed.

His reply came as I walked back into the living room, clutching my phone.

“Keep my hearts safe, I left them with you,” he wrote back, making me snicker at the awesome cheesiness.

One more text came through before I had the chance to respond. “and just so you know, I plan to love you in every one of those places.”

Jacob walked behind the trees so that only his face showed through. “Not sure what I’m supposed to see when you’re hiding in the bushes, Jake,” I laughed nervously, that nervousness growing when he took his shirt off, and shooting through the roof when I heard the zipper for his jeans. “Um, Jake? I don’t think that’s something I want to see.”

Edward chuckled behind me as Jacob rolled his eyes. “That’s not what I’m planning on showing you, Bells. If I did that then you might not think much of your vampire by comparison.”

“Dream on, dog,” Edward mocked as I cringed at Jacob’s casual use of the word vampire.

“Should I leave so you two can compare notes?” I quipped in a sad attempt to cover up my discomfort, causing both men to let out a laugh.

“Trust me, I’m bigger. Has to do with genetics, you know.” His pants joined the shirt he had thrown across a tree branch and I wondered if underwear was soon to follow.

“Only because you’re a mutation,” Edward shot back.

Jacob just shrugged. “And you aren’t? Anyway, take hold of her. Don’t want to chase her into the ocean, she might break her neck this time.” Edward’s hands gripped me tightly and I just looked back and forth between them, my confusion evident. “Ready?” Jacob asked, and it was all the warning I got.

A scream left my mouth as I watched russet fur shoot out from Jacob’s skin, his mass doubling, then doubling again, growing with the fur. His face distorted, the jaw and nose elongating out as his ears slid up on his head, coming to rest on either side of the top in sharp points. The transformation seemed to take forever, yet only a second or two had passed, and now a massive wolf stood in front of me.

When I tried to run Edward held me still. I could feel the vibrations of his laughter in his chest, he had me pinned to him so closely. “It’s quite something to see, isn’t it Bella?” he whispered in my ear. “Jacob and his tribe can make the change, but only if a gene gets triggered. There’s no cause for your fear, he’s the same man you’ve known for years.”

“He’s, he’s, he’s…a…”

“Wolf? Yes.” In an instant I was turned in his arms, my chest crushed against the cold, hard planes of his, one of his hands at my back and the other holding my face so that I was forced to look at him. “The world is full of those creatures you thought to be superstitious legends. Vampires, werewolves, although I would call Jacob a shape-shifter since he can change at will, witches, all you fear, all that fills the nightmares of the human mind, all are real.”

His face drew closer to mine as he spoke, and for the first time since I had met him I felt real fear. As his lips neared my throat they pulled back in a grimace, revealing his teeth. I couldn’t think, I couldn’t move, and I couldn’t breathe. When those lips made contact with my skin, right over where my pulse was hammering in my throat, the massive wolf behind me growled.

“Never fear, Jacob, I won’t bite her without your permission,” he murmured as silently as the breeze. “Why don’t you change back so we can discuss it with her?”

“B-b-bite me?” My entire body was beginning to shake, whether from the cold of Edward’s body or fear, I couldn’t tell.

“Not unless you want it,” Jacob’s deep voice sounded behind me, making me jump again as I turned to look at him.

Edward kept me facing him. “He’s getting dressed again. I assume you understand why he took his clothes off?” My head nodded without conscious effort as my heart raced. Edward’s eyes glowed in the fading light, the last rays of the sun striking them as it sunk beneath the horizon, giving just enough illumination to see that he had made a decision. “You need time,” he sighed.

True to form, whenever I am in a stressful situation I retaliate with snark. “Time? Um, yeah? You ask me if I want to become a vampire when I’ve only just found out they exist?” Spinning around I pointed an accusing finger at Jacob. “And you! How long have you kept this wolf thing from me? Why are you telling me now? Are you actually okay with this, this, guy biting me?”

I could feel a fit to rival my father’s coming on as my hands began to wave and my feet started pacing. “One of you kidnaps me, then the other has lied for years, and you both seem to think it’s all right to just spring all this on me?” My pacing feet were moving faster and farther with each pass between the two men. “I need to think,” I all but shouted, setting out in a straight line.

In an instant Edward was in front of me, impeding my progress. Fitting him with a glare I said only one word, “Move.”

“If you continue in this direction you’ll go over the edge,” he said calmly. “At least let me lead you back to your car?”

“Just give me the flashlight, and you can follow me,” I said, sticking my hand out.

His fingertips trailed down my arms lightly, like a caress given to a soap bubble. “Ah, but Bella, I don’t need a flashlight. I can see in the dark just fine.” The fingers that were caressing now locked like manacles around my wrists. “But never fear, I can have you back to where you want to be in just a moment.”

For the second time this night I screamed as I found myself thrown over his shoulder, the trees falling behind me at an alarming pace. Not wanting to vomit I covered my eyes with my hands, fighting him was obviously out of the question, and was amazed to realize that his run was actually quite smooth, as if I was laying on a rock that was floating on air.

Before I could come to terms with what was happening I was back on my feet beside my truck, swaying slightly. “Do you need me to drive you?” he asked smoothly, his breathing steady as if he had only done a leisurely stroll through the woods.

“No, I’m fine,” I huffed, walking unsteadily to the driver’s side door.

He was in front of me again, this time opening the door for me. “Are you sure?” he asked, smirking. I just nodded and tried to push past him. “Hmm, I don’t think so,” he whispered, arms snaking around my waist as his lips lowered once again. “I think you might need some help getting to sleep tonight.”

This time his lips connected, capturing mine in a searing kiss that left me breathless and still awakened every nerve ending in my body. My hands grasped hold of his shoulders, trying to ground myself, but his touch, taste and smell were overwhelming. I know I needed to breathe at some point, but as black spots formed behind my eyes I wondered why I cared.

“Where’s the map?” I asked Alice, who was staring up at me with the most innocent look possible.

“I dunno.” She mumbled and shuffled her feet.

“Tell me,” I growled “I’m already late!”

She lifted up one of her hands and dropped a couple heart shaped papers in my hands, I studied them and realized it was my map. I crushed the little pieces of paper that she covered in glitter or something and threw them on the ground. I looked behind her and she was holding a glass bowl filled with more map-hearts.

“I didn’t know it was your map, I swear!” She cried, her gray eyes filled with tears.

“It’s fine” I said through my teeth “I’ll pick one up on the way there.”

“This is probably a sign that you guys shouldn’t get eloped.” She said in her normal voice, I crammed the last of my clothes into my duffel.

“Don’t start.” I said, she’s told me this a million different times.

“I just want to see my big brother and his soul mate get married!” She yelled, I slapped my hand over her mouth.

“Shut up, mom’ll here you.” I said, swinging my duffel on my back and started down the hall. I took a deep breath and realized that I would be married in less then 24 hours. It was her eighteenth birthday and I was determined to make her mine.

“She told me last night that she would rather have a real wedding!” Alice yelled, I turned and saw her in my doorway with her hand covering her mouth.

“What?” I asked, shocked. She always said she never wanted a fuss for her wedding, I was sure that she wanted to be eloped.

“I’m sorry, she deserves a real wedding.” She whispered, I dropped my bag.

“But she always said that she…” I stopped because of the confusion that was racing through my brain.
“Of course she said that she didn’t want a fuss, Bella lives to make you happy.” Alice said, nearing me.

“Edward!” Another voice joined our conversation.

“We’re up here, Bella!” Alice answered for me, shooting me an apologetic look.

“She deserves a real wedding.” I whispered.

BPOV
I can’t believe I am in the shower with Edward Cullen. I can’t believe I washed his very tasty body and I can’t believe I told him it was the fourth date.

I’m a selfish girl, after all is said and done. I want him. Badly. Now.

I can’t recall ever considering lunch and/or dinner out with work acquaintances a date. I can’t recall ever inviting myself over to a man’s hotel suite for a couple’s massage when we aren’t even a couple! I can’t believe I put my hand right on top of his package like I know exactly what I’m doing.

To be completely serious, I’ve no clue what I’m doing. I’m seriously flying by the seat of my pants and enjoying every exhilarating second of the ride. Thankfully Edward is an enthusiastic participant and doesn’t seem the least bit put off by my aggressive and unmistakable actions.

Like now. Right now his wet and lovely body is something I can feel all over my pliant and supplicating one. I reach for him; pulling on his hardness and making him twitch with my touch. His lips are rather incoherently missing the mark but the feel of him – I could seriously die a happy woman right now just because I can touch the wondrous stuff that makes up Edward Cullen.

“Please,” I murmur, thinking and verbalizing at the same time.

“Now?” he questions. He’s so responsive, so attentive but I don’t actually mean that, exactly.

“Right here,” I say huskily, taking his hand in mine and rubbing it over my tender and sensitive flesh. I slide myself slowly over his fingers and he gets the message. Hesitantly he strokes me now, slipping between the petals of my body, moistening his fingertips with the results wrought by the earlier explorations of his mouth.

“Are we going to…” he starts to ask, but I press my hand against his lips.

“Please don’t ask,” I say. “I’m on birth control and I want you. Do you?”

“Yes,” he says hoarsely, his lips finding my neck and nibbling and sucking on the skin there. “I want you.”

The way he says it makes me feel more certain of his desire for something more than simply a sexual encounter. Arching my body into his is a purely unadulterated invitation and he responds exactly as I wish, gliding his hardness between my thighs and sliding back and forth.

“Here?” he asks.

“Now,” I say.

His hands are gliding restlessly over my body, either working up the nerve or finding the logistical possibilities and he says, “Screw this.”

He whips open the shower curtain and doesn’t even bother turning off the water before lifting me up and walking straight to his bedroom. It’s dark now but the light from the living room acts as a veiled flashlight, making sure Edward doesn’t stumble us in the darkened bedroom. He lays me on the bed and climbs up over me, recommencing his scorching kisses and errant caresses. Our wet bodies soak the bedspread but help us to move together in the most erotic way.

“Mm,” I moan.

“Now,” he answers, hitching my leg up over his hip and sliding down so that he teases my entrance with his ready arousal.

I shift slightly, not quite believing we’ve come this far, this fast and then think quickly that it really has been months. As he sinks into me I wrap myself around him, arms and legs and he drops his head, nestling into my neck, breathing excitedly and trying to orient himself.

“God Bella,” he sighs.

“I know,” I say. “You too.”

I’m not sure what we’re saying but when he starts to move inside of me I feel a desperate tenderness settle over me as I start to touch him with more than just lust. It’s almost weird that we’ve both gotten quiet and gentle after all the charging passion that dovetailed from the massage.

“Edward,” I whisper, gently kissing his collarbone and his chest.

He stops moving for a second and looks down at me. “Are you okay?” he asks.

“Yeah,” I say, “I just… This isn’t just sex for me, even though it might seem that way,” I admit, praying I’m not killing the mood.

“I didn’t think it was Bella,” he says. “It’s more than that for me too.”

The next thing he does is perfect and I am immediately and completely lost. He kisses me so softly and searchingly that I disconnect with the bed and the lust and everything else. He tenderly draws his fingers down the side of my face as we move together and I can’t help but pull him closer, tighter, with everything I have and everything I feel.

We kiss with a new kind of intensity and he rolls us over so that I sit astride him, my hair dropping around our faces in a curtain as we continue to caress each other’s mouths. His hands roam over me and it almost seems reverential. His gentle touch meanders down to settle where our bodies are joined and I react with a wantonness that takes over where the tenderness left off.

I move with a jerky purposefulness, trying to increase the friction from his fingers and enjoying the feel of his body mixed inside of mine. We effortlessly find the passion and the excitement again. I smile down on him at one point and he murmurs, “So fucking sexy…so beautiful.”

I feel like Eve, openly giving myself to Edward and feeling complete and happy that there are no fears and no worries to go along with it. When I climax I feel like my entire body is breaking into a supernova around us and he joins me, clinging to me, freeing himself of all care.

Afterward we lay together in the damp bed, laughing quietly at our mess and at the secret delight we’ve found in each other.

“How is this going to work when we get back to the office?” I hazard.

“Carlisle did tell you that you should be part of a couple,” Edward said rationally. “You could always say you’re just following his directive! Plus we’re colleagues – neither of us is in a supervisory position over the other, so as long as we have full disclosure I don’t think anyone can complain.”

“This is true,” I say, snuggling closer. “But Edward?”

“Yeah?” he replies.

“Can we please sleep on the foldout couch or something?” I say. “This just isn’t my cup of tea.”

“Absolutely,” he says, sounding relieved.

We get up immediately and there’s a little chill from the air conditioning. I grab my robe from the bathroom and quickly braid my hair so it won’t tangle too much overnight. Edward has the foldaway bed all ready in the living room and he’s waiting for me. He pulls back the covers and pats the mattress beside him. I shrug off the robe with a shiver and curl up in his waiting arms.

“Do you always sleep like this?” he asks.

“Naked?” I say.

“Well, yeah, but what I meant was with your hair braided?” he clarifies.

“I don’t normally sleep naked but I definitely braid my hair. My mother taught me that trick eons ago to avoid the haystack look in the morning,” I confess.

“I think you’d look cute with the haystack,” he says, smiling softly at me.

“All in good time my pretty,” I joke.

“So you’re not going anywhere?” he says.

“Nope, you’re stuck with me,” I say.

“Glad it’s mutual,” he says.