October 7, 2011

a/n These are the same characters from Advice. Tart takes a couple of weeks after Advice. I always loved when the girls let me tag along on their adventures. I wasn’t old enough to be their mother but they certainly acted like it. It didn’t bother me since I did see Alice and Rosalie as my daughters. And of course Bella. The three of them brought so much joy in my life and I cherished our times together – just us girls. This particular adventure was going to be amusing and I was surprised they invited me. Alice must have seen me with them otherwise I can’t imagine what moved them to say, “Esme, you wanna come with us to take Bella to a sex shop?” This made me frown. I thought Bella and Edward were having plenty of fun as newlyweds. They certainly weren’t quiet, even with my kind of hearing. “What do you need at a sex shop?” I asked Bella. “What every girl needs at a sex shop, Esme. A vibrating cock when your husband decides to act like a pussy.” Bella groaned and started for the door. “Thanks, Rosalie. As if this all isn’t embarrassing enough.” I grabbed my purse and followed the girls outside to the heavily tinted, black Range Rover. Alice bought it just for times like these. She called it our rowdy rover and insisted we use it when the females of the house had female business to handle. “Bella, you need to get over yourself. We all have needs and as your sisters- “And mother,” I chimed in. “And mother, we have an obligation to make sure the men in our lives meet those needs. When they don’t, we make them suffer. It’s common sense really,” Rosalie rationalized. Rosalie loved this, I could tell. She was a forward woman but she loved her family fiercely and didn’t like when anyone was unhappy. I just wanted to know what was causing Bella distress this time. “Bella, sweetie, what’s going on? I thought you and Edward worked out your no-sex issues?” “So did I,” Bella started. “Until I realized nothing is worked out at all. He just continues to deliver mind-blowing orgasms one after another until I pass out. By the time I wake up, he’s either dressed and working on some pointless task, heading out to hunt with Jasper and Emmett, or in the kitchen cooking me a feast. He’ll listen to me talk about sex if I get him to focus but that’s it. He just listens. Then he starts apologizing and kissing me, getting me all worked up, only to repeat the cycle of mind-blowing orgasms minus the actual penile penetration part.” “Breathe, Bella,” Alice said as she maneuvered the rowdy rover bound for the only sex shop within 25 miles. “This is will work and Edward is going to let his maleness finally make a more satisfying decision. To you both.” “This is where the vibrating cock comes in?” I asked. “That’s what she said,” Rosalie snickered. Bella leaned closer to me in the back seat and whispered, “You know this still mortifies me, right?” “Bel-la! I certainly hope when you’re a vampire you realize how useless it is to be embarrassed in this family.” “Rose, vampire or not, I understand that this conversation might feel awkward with the matriarch of the family asking details about her children’s sex lives. Be patient with Bella.” Bella smiled at me gratefully. I felt it was more than enough that I was in this car on the way to the sex shop rather than sitting in a big empty house. Carlisle was at the hospital and the boys had gone hunting. I had wondered why they seemed to be hunting more but it made sense now. Edward was channeling his tension and trying to resist temptations. Something told me no amount of wildlife was going to be able to distract him from plans being hatched in the brains of the Cullen women. “We’re here!” Alice announced. I know a car crash wouldn’t damage our bodies but it made me nervous when my children drove so fast with Bella in the car. “Alice, I hardly think there was a rush,” I chastised as we piled out of the car. Rosalie sashayed up to the front door with Alice dragging a lip biting Bella right behind her. Laurent’s Love Buttons was an unassuming place. You couldn’t even tell the name of the shop unless you knew to look for the glowing, red, neon heart located over the door. By the time I made it inside, the girls were already halfway down the dildo aisle. Laurent’s was a classy establishment and he had large black shopping bags hanging by the entrance. I picked up one and wandered around by myself. Might as well pick up a few things. Carlisle broke our last nipple clamps and I knew he’d be disappointed if I came stopped by and didn’t purchase some new ones. “Mrs. Cullen,” Laurent drawled as he joined me in the lingerie section. “Back so soon?” “Yes, Laurent. The girls are shopping dildos and invited me to tag along.” “Tag along? Honey don’t they know you could teach them a thing or two? Or do you keep the swing set and floggers locked up for only you and Carlisle to play with,” Laurent said with a wink. I heard Alice gasp at Laurent’s reveal. I’m sure she didn’t see that coming. While there aren’t many secrets in our house, Carlisle and I still worked hard to respect the fact that knowing about your parent’s active sex life wasn’t always welcomed. We were skilled in minding our thoughts and hiding our decisions. Poor Jasper was the only one we couldn’t hide from but he was always the gentleman and ignored our sex-driven emotions. Alice should be thanking us for her frisky sex life. No doubt it was influenced by Jasper’s need to release the additional sexual weight. I rolled my eyes and playfully slapped Laurent away. “I wouldn’t want to frighten them.” “Well if you won’t help them, I will,” he said as he made his way over to the girls. I perused the aisles to see what was new. By the time I rejoined my daughters, I had a full bag: 3 pairs of crotchless underwear, anal plug with rabbit tail, dual penetrator, 7 pairs of handcuffs, Christmas themed fur-lined paddle, leather cock collar, bondage tape, leopard Ben Wa balls, waterproof prostrate massager and of course the nipple clamps. This time the vibrating kind. Bella was holding several packaged dildos while Alice and Rosalie bickered about the best one. “Why are there so many choices,” she asked. “Well what’s your sexual goal, sweetheart,” Laurent asked. “I just want my husband to sleep with me and my sisters insist that if he catches me masturbating with a dildo, he won’t be able to resist throwing it away and making sure I never desire a plastic penis again,” Bella explained. Laurent didn’t bat an eye. “These are silicone, honey. Plastic sounds so eighties.” “Girls,” I interrupted. “I wish you told me the plan from the get go. I could have saved us time.” I grabbed the light blue, Blazing Ice glass dildo and placed it in my bag. I took the mountain of dildos from Bella and handed them off to Alice and Rosalie. “Put these back and meet us at the counter. I’m getting Blazing Ice for Bella.” Laurent laughed at my daughters dumbfounded faces and headed towards the register. “Mama knows best, girls,” he teased. I put my arm around Bella and smiled warmly at her shocked face. “It even sparkles,” I winked.