April 20, 2012

New Hampshire was experiencing the highest murder/missing persons rate in its history. Students disappeared from their beds, only to be found, drained of blood, miles away. Townspeople weren’t spared either, and had taken to purchasing guns. Not a few people ended up in the emergency room as a result of the rising ‘shoot first, ask questions later’ attitude. As if the looming threat of finals wasn’t enough to send the student populace into a panic.

At least no one in school thought it odd that I was jumpy. We were all starting at shadows. The difference for me was that I knew what was really in them, Jane. She became my own personal watch-dog, taunting me by sending out waves of pain to any person who happened to talk, nod, smile or acknowledge my presence in any way. Carlisle called Italy to tell them the Centers for Disease Control were coming to investigate the rash of painful spasms happening in only certain spots on campus and Aro might want to rein Jane in some.

It didn’t stop. I knew she did it to torture me, isolate me. My heart broke with each person traumatized. It became a fight between Edward and me. He insisted on accompanying me and I couldn’t handle watching him twist in pain. I told him I wouldn’t go to class anymore then, and he picked me up and carried me. That lasted until he dropped me after being zapped by Jane, my wrist spraining when I fell.

A nomad came to our defense once. He disappeared the next day, a pillar of purple smoke rising in the east. After that Carlisle instituted a strict non-retaliation policy. “Don’t give them a reason,” he said to the crowd that formed in the Cullens’ home. “When we meet them in Washington we need all of you. They haven’t taken us out because we argued that Felix attacked. None of us are physically damaged by Jane, and that’s their defense.”

I’m sure Aro never anticipated the positive effect this attack would have. Vampires who came only ‘to observe’ began to join us. Some heard that we were breaking the law about revealing ourselves to humans, only to leave thinking the guard were because of their actions. Dozens were sent to Washington, more to Alaska, to wait for the coming confrontation.

Some stayed with us. One young man, Benjamin, took great pleasure in moving any nearby water to dump it on Jane’s head. He was very careful to do this only when there weren’t any humans nearby. The best part was that she had no idea who was doing it or how, especially since he was capable of making it happen without even looking in her direction.

Nevertheless, the first day of finals I was a strung-out nervous wreck. It was like my brain couldn’t handle the stress of dealing with the guard and memorizing the vast quantity of material required.

“You don’t have to make all A’s, remember,” Edward said that morning as he tried to distract me.

“I know, but I can’t fail either,” I said, pushing him away as I read over my notes one last time.

“Bella, you won’t fail. Even if you do, what’s the worst that will happen? You’ll get a C?” The fingers of one hand tickled just under my t-shirt as the other pushed my hair aside so he could kiss the back of my neck. “You have four hours. You need to relax. I can help.”

I snorted a laugh. “I imagine the way you picture us relaxing doesn’t involve actual rest.”

He chuckled as his hands crept up my shirt. “There will be lying down, unless you’d rather be standing?”

Turning from my books to glare at him I asked, “How can you even think about that with everything going on? Can’t you hear the guard? The houseful of vampires? The talk about rebellion?”

His lips pressed gently against mine, quieting my rising voice, as he laced his fingers through mine to stop me from waving them about. “I can hear them, I just filter them out,” he said against my lips before stopping any further conversation.

He was right. By the time he dropped me off to my first final I was definitely relaxed. Unfortunately, I was so relaxed my legs felt like gelatin and my mind refused to focus on anything but the memory of what his lips could do. A few times I caught myself staring off into space, tracing a finger over my slightly swollen lips, or fingering a button on a new shirt as I remembered him becoming impatient with the old one and shredding the fabric. If I passed, it would be a miracle.

I had five finals to take. By the fifth one I didn’t bother getting dressed in any clothes I cared about.

“Why didn’t you come up with last semester? Or the one before that?” I asked that last morning as I trailed my fingers through his hair.

Lifting his head from my chest he winked. “I’m kind of surprised I’m getting away with it now.” He looked out the window, eyes narrowing before rolling. “Alice is bringing you a new outfit. She’ll leave it down in the kitchen.” A low growl escaped as he scowled, only to immediately take on a perfectly calm façade.

“What?” I asked, going almost as still as him.

He smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “Nothing, why?” Now he looked perfectly innocent. Too innocent.

“You got that pissed off face for a second.”

“No I didn’t.”

I swatted his shoulder lightly. Breaking my hand right before a test is a bad idea. “Don’t lie to me. You so did. Now tell me why.”

Jumping from the bed, he grabbed my hand and threw me over his shoulder. “You have to be on campus in forty minutes. Time to shower!”

“Don’t change the subject. Now put me down.” He did put me down, under the spray of the water.

“You have to hurry,” he told me. “I’ll get your books together.”

“Annoying, distracting vampire,” I muttered as I squeezed shampoo into the palm of my hand.

“I heard that!” he called from the next room.

“You were supposed to!”

“Get clean, Bella. We need to leave.” I looked at the clock in the bathroom, I still had thirty-five minutes before my test. It only took me ten to bathe and get dressed. My hair would go into a ponytail, so that didn’t add much time. The way Edward drove we would get to the school in another five. Even if I went slow we’d make it.

“Bella, please hurry!” he called again. That’s when I heard it. Something in his voice was off. Something that went with the face I was trying to get him to confess to. A feeling of urgency washed over me faster than the water from the faucet.

Alice was in the room when I shut off the water, handing me a towel. “Let’s get you dressed and out of here.”

“Alice, what’s going on?” I asked as I ran the towel over my body. She kept quiet as I wrapped it around my hair. Standing up straight I accepted underclothes from her, noticing that she seemed rather rigid and was purposefully not looking at me. I knew it wasn’t because I was still getting dressed.

“Alice?”

“Put this on,” she said, handing me jeans and a sweater. It was going to be in the mid-seventies here today.

Something clicked in my head. “Where are we going?” I was met with more silence, only the twisting of her mouth. “We’re going to Washington, aren’t we?”

“Let’s just say you will still graduate. You just won’t be walking.”

“How long will your parents be down?” I asked, looking through one of the albums in Edward’s living room.
“They usually come down for about a month,” he responded, resting his feet on the coffee table.
“Oh, nice. So they’ll still be here when I get back.”
“What are the dates again?”
“December twenty third to January second,” I said, my heart sinking slightly. This was how it had been lately; mixed feelings every time I thought about leaving island. On one hand, I couldn’t wait to see my parents and friends. On the other, I was going to miss Edward so badly. Plus, I’d heard that Christmas-time on St. Croix was amazing. I was definitely a little bummed I’d be missing out on some of the festivals and parades.
He nodded, resting his hands on his belly. “Okay. Morning flight, right?
“Yeah. You can drive me?”
“Of course.”
“’Kay.” I snuggled in to him, tucking my feet up under me. In the kitchen, the microwave beeped, letting us know the popcorn was ready.
“Hold on,” Edward said, patting my leg. I let him get up, using the opportunity to check my phone. I’d heard a couple of texts come in moments before.
They were from Angela. She’d gotten us tickets to see the Nutcracker, as performed by the Pacific Northwest Ballet. I squealed in excitement, psyched she’d gotten us in. Not only had we both danced in our ballet studio’s version of this back in elementary, but PNB’s version featured sets and costumes by Maurice Sendak. We’d heard about it from a friend and had been obsessed with going ever since.
“What’re you so happy about?” teased Edward, plopping down next to me. “I made kettle corn too, by the way.” He settled both bowls between us on the couch.
“Ooh.” I took a couple pieces of each. “I love kettle corn.”
“Me too.”
“So, Angela got us tickets to this ballet we both wanted to see…”
Grinning, he rested his head on the back of the couch. “That so…seems like something the two of you would do.”
“It so is,” I agreed, nodding happily. “Anyway, it’s the Nutcracker, as performed by little kids…and it apparently has these amazing sets and just…I’m really excited.”
“Alice takes the girls to see the Nutcracker, too. Caribbean Dance School puts it on every year.”
“Really? That’s so cool….maybe next year I’ll go with them.”
He nodded, watching me as he popped a couple of kernels in to his mouth.
I placed my phone on the table and sat back. “So are we watching this movie or not?”
“Yup.” He grinned down at me, grabbed the remote, and pressed play.
I worked hard during the weeks leading up to my trip, even taking on a couple of wait shifts at the Brew Pub. Not only would I be unemployed during the holidays, but I’d be totally on my own upon returning to St. Croix, so it was important I get my money in order ahead of time. I’d never had to ask my parents for help when it came to rent and stuff, and I didn’t want to have to resort to it now.
Kate left island about a week before Pete and I did. He didn’t seem too sad to see her go, saying she’d gotten a little finicky toward the end, always whining about what was wrong with St. Croix.
“I might not want to live here, but it’s still a cool place,” he said one night, making a face as he told me the story.
Shrugging, I placed the last of the dishes on our drainer and wiped my hands. “It’s just not for everyone.”
“I appreciate that you want to be nice, Bella, but no. She’s just… way too caught up. High maintenance.”
I’d kind of gotten that impression the few times Kate and I had met. “Yeah, I know.”
“So. You ready for the cold?” he teased, poking me.
“Not really,” I laughed. “I feel like my blood got thinner, living down here.”
“No kidding. We’re about to freeze our asses off. My brother said there were flurries last night.”
I shivered just thinking about it. “Lucky for me, it’s temporary.”
He tugged my hair, earning a hearty smack on the arm. “Yeah, yeah. No need to rub it in.”
The next morning, I drove him to the airport. After breaking up, we’d agreed that it wasn’t necessary to fly back together. I’d kind of wanted to wait until the last minute to return to the states, whereas he had a couple of family obligations to get back to.
What I didn’t expect was the lump in my throat I got when we said goodbye on the curbside.
“I guess this is it,” he said, smiling sadly.
Swallowing hard, I hugged him tight. “I’ll miss you, Peter.”
“Me too.” He held me for a minute before kissing my hair and letting go.
“Thanks for bringing me here,” I whispered, biting my lip. My vision blurred, and I ducked my head to blink the tears away.
He nodded, picking up his bags. “Take care of yourself. I’ll see you when you get back, okay?”
“Okay. Safe flight.”
He quickly kissed my cheek and then disappeared in to the crowd. I stood still for a minute, feeling like the last thing connecting me to my old life had snapped, leaving me untethered.
Then a taxi man blared his horn at me, startling me from my schmaltzy episode.
“Miss. Miss! You got to move!” he called, waving at me.
“Sorry, sorry,” I mumbled, getting back into the car.
Irina set a big bowl of pineapple down in front of me.
I eyed her questioningly. “Thanks?”
“It makes you taste good,” she said, flipping her hair over her shoulder. “You know; down there.”
I snorted, taking a bite. “Oh yeah? Where’d you hear that?”
“This story I read. It was in Cosmo, too.”
“Oh, well then. Must be gospel.”
“It is, girl. Eat up.”
“I’m touched you’re so concerned about what my down there tastes like, Rina.” This pineapple was so juicy and fresh, though, I had to admit. All I’d had for the day was raisin bread and coffee during my shift at Coconuts, and I was starving.
“Well. We all know you and Edward were doing a little more than the numbers in the office last night,” she said, arching an eyebrow.
“You really have no verbal filter, do you?” I asked, absolutely mortified. I focused on my fruit, feeling my face turn the color of the poinciana clusters dotting the bar. “Cheese and bread.”
“Eat your pineapple,” she said, going to help a customer.
A couple of minutes later Edward walked in. I sighed inwardly, my heart quickening. It didn’t matter that I’d just seen him that morning; I was always so glad to be around him. He flipped his sunglasses up onto his head and came over to me, kissing me as he sat down.
“Hi. Working tonight?”
“Yeah…they put me on the schedule.”
“Good.” He smiled, nodding as his eyes fell to my snack. “That looks good.”
Irina set a bowl down in front of him. “Here ya go.”
“Oh…I’m okay. I just ate.”
“Just eat it,” she said, smiling sweetly.
“You need a boyfriend,” I told her, shaking my head.
“I don’t need a boyfriend,” she said. “I have Tyler.”
I tried not to choke on my pineapple.
He was acting distant. For sure.
I frowned, watching Edward get ready for bed, his mind a million miles away. We’d both taken Friday off, since I was leaving the next day, and I’d noticed that, as the day wore on, he’d grown more and more quiet.
I felt so messed up inside…nervous he was withdrawing from me. Sad because we weren’t on the same page. Pissed off and resentful he was making such a big deal out of me leaving for a week and a half.
But when he finally got in to bed and reached to turn the TV on, I’d had it. I went in to the kitchen and poured myself a glass of water, and then went to the patio.
The stars twinkled peacefully. Way up here, on this hill, it was quiet save the wind and the trees. I’d miss that for sure.
He joined me eventually, like I knew he would.
“What are you doing out here?” he asked, running his hands through his hair.
I shrugged, setting my glass down.
He stared at me for a second, then turned like he was going back inside.
“Hey,” I said, annoyed. “Would you just…stop it?”
“Stop what,” he said with a sigh, like he knew.
“I’ve given you no reason not to trust me, and you’re…you’re making me feel really shitty about leaving, Edward. I’m going home to see my parents. I miss them. They miss me. We’re not used to being so far apart.”
He stood still, just listening.
“You’re…I feel like you’re pushing me away and I hate it,” I said, my voice starting to shake.
“I know. I’m sorry,” he said, coming to me.
I stood up, wrapping my arms around him. “Don’t make this more than what it is. If you could come with me, I’d love it, but you can’t. Right?”
He shook his head, face pressed against my hair.
“Did someone leave you?” I asked, finally giving voice to what I’d sometimes wondered. “Someone you loved?”
“A couple someones,” he said quietly. “It happens.”
“Well I’m not someone,” I said, holding him tightly. “I’d stay even if you weren’t here….first of all. And second, now that I’m with you…I’d probably follow you even if you left.”
It was like the tension in his body melted, just like that. I felt him smile, and then he held me away, gazing down at me.
“Do you believe me?” I asked, rubbing his arms.
“Yup.”
“Good.”
He picked up my glass of water and led me back inside, where we turned off the kitchen light and returned to bed. I confirmed my flight on my phone, and made sure my alarm was set. Jessica had sent me an excited text, saying she couldn’t wait to see me, so I responded in kind, making sure she knew what time I’d be back.
When I put my phone down, I realized Edward had been watching me. I yawned and cuddled down under the covers.“What?” I whispered, scooting closer.
Pulling me on top of him, he rested his hands on my hips. I gazed down at him, my heart so fluttery, and so full. He tugged me down by my tank top, kissing my mouth as soon as I was close enough.
“Love you, Bella.”
I smiled so hard my eyes teared up. “I love you, too.”